The Climb

Being born in the darkest of places were the sun doesn’t shine and nothing can ever grow. Forced to fend off the darker forces of life les then they start to creep inside the mind and take root where it can never be undone. But by the proof of my writing I was able to fend away these beasts of darkness. Living the first part of my life from the back side of a shield with but no sword I grew strong and I grew fast. Eventually it came time to make the climb. There never was anything for me in the blackness and this should have cued me to make climb sooner but for whatever reason I stayed in that place for too long until the blackness started to creep.

Everything in the dark wanted me to stay. Not out of love but from some illness of the mind that wants others for the suffering as if it were a black mass ready and willing for the sacrifice. None of that is for me. Call me callous but it was already too late as I had already decided to leave that place. Trusted individuals came with me and for all their strength most did fall like raindrops before a dark cloud but higher did we press against the wet jagged rock and through the windblown slopes. Demons came upon us but with the strength of the hardened did we fling them back into the pit. Higher and higher still.

When finally, did I get a glimpse of the top I did know if I had the strength to make it to the peak. Rest seems to be something that we cannot afford. Not when our challengers possess so many advantages. Not while I have breath left in my body and the strength to raise my head. These forces that are pushing so intensely against me may have the power to take even my freedom but check it out, I’m still breathing.

I started to push harder. A push that come from somewhere inside of me that I didn’t know was there. With this new push, I was able to take a few more staggering steps in the direction of light and clean air. Right then, from a thousand clouds dropped a great beast. Roaring it smashed all that had climbed and worked so hard for. Laughing it starred me down expecting me to fall. Standing below this beast I slowing raised my body to full stature and then raised my chest. From here I let out a roar.

I’m alive. From right here I have the ability to go anywhere, right now. As my lungs fill with each new breath I can feel that energy flow through my veins and out my fingertips. My words cut through space with the power to change nations. Most important of all my power, the power to create, has not left me. So, from here there is really only one option and that option is forward.

Staring the beast down I began to create my own mountain that rose steadily higher than the precipice that I stood. Leaping from my place under the great beast I dropped through the air like an iron rod falling from space. The ground from which I leaped exploded into a billion peace and the beast fell into the debris sinking back into his pit of darkness. Landing on my own mountain in an explosive crater I began to climb once more.

There is sweat in my eyes now and my legs are on fire to the point that I fear they will stop working at any time, but still I push on. In this place, I know no limits and will continue on right up until the day comes where I collapse and that so cherished power of creation leaves me for good. That day is not here yet and so, without a choice to do anything other than what I do, I carry higher.

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Stumblin Up

Nothin to do but stand strong I cant give em my life

Maybe they’ll shoot me down before I get to make things right

Until then its strait grindin one more day at a time

This life might just be a bitch and we will never be fine

So ima sit on down till my vertebri gets stacked

Drift into the ether. Meditative calm I bring back

 

Sometimes I think that I can do this alone

But when that cold wind ablows I get chilled to the bone

True friends are hard to find in the valley of death

It’s a dangerous road but we stand chest abreast

Sun sinking slowing behind the snow-covered peaks

I hear danger strolling towards my way. He stops and he speak

 

I have cleared out whole villages just because they got in my way

And you sit here before me not running way

You must be a fool to even think about tryin

No one that gets here can do it without cryin

But I see the tears in your eyes are for something greater than yourself

For you there is no escape and for that I will help

 

And just like that I changed danger into a friend

Now I walk the same path. I walk knowing no end

On and on goes the struggle, my mind is infested

But I sowllowed that pill now I just have to digest it

I keep on going in circles. I must be insane

But the crack of lighting comes quickly. The crack that is change

 

Honestly I’m calm. I don’t worry too much

My glass is half full and we keep filling it up

Like a tree in the breeze dropping sweet tasting fruit

We got bannanas and apples with some cimimon to boot

Down going forever as deep as my desire

One love, one life. Now it’s time to get higher

Just a Powder party

Last night was real. It all started out with the dancing on the tables at the Powder Keg. A hot and sweaty time up there where everyone was getting rowdy with the band A-Mac DZ. I was dancing with women and hitting on other girls. Ended up hitching to the party from my house and the band picked me up, so I got to know some cool guys and we all showed up to the party together. The party was great. There could have been some more girls there but we still all had a good time chilling with the powder people.

It was near the beginning of the party and everyone was passing around their own brand of THC. Bowls, pipes, bongs, vaporizers of all sorts. At this point in the party I passed on everything being that I prefer to smoke at the end of the night as getting high tends to make me not give a fuck about other people and so I go off and do my own thing. Not the best party drug. So as everyone else gets high I sit back and try not to drink too much. We all then intermingle with each other and between the guitars and drums, the pool table, the bar, the TV dance party room.

At one point I end up sitting down with a guy that I somewhat know from my job on the mountain as a lifty and we start to chat. To me this guys wasn’t making much sense and we were all a bit off as it was just the start of the party so I’m clowning around his ignorance; a risky move that I make all too often. He keeps on asking me what I mean by that and I keep going into more cryptic descriptions. Eventually I start to make some nonsense rap up- “Here I am in chilling in a new place, ready burn it up and ignite this race.” He puffs up his chest and asks me “Are you ready?” Thinking that he is actually a decent rapper I lean my head in attentive to listen to what he has got to say. This kid winds up and clocks me strait in the nose. I fall over but am on my feet in moments with blood gushing out my nose. “What the fuck did you do that for?” I’m yelling at this kid and he is trying to take me outside away from the party but for sure unable to answer my question when I confronted in front of everyone in the house. Not being aggressive most of the tension is defused and I go outside to talk with this kid who claims it’s because of his own fucked up head. I’m at a loss and tell him it’s all good and that we should go back to the party.

Back inside I clean myself up and go to defuse the tension with everyone else. It works out too. I mean, I need to take some shit from the ski mechanic about not kicking his ass but other than that it all seems good. I’m playing drums with my friends, pool and dancing with the girls, listing to my good friend talk about how much trouble he is having because he doesn’t know how to juggle three girls at one time. God this kid is so into himself. A good friend and extremely socially intelligent person. So I sit and tell him he is a bitch for not fucking them all at the same time. There are other people there that I would like to have as friends and I am making progress on all of them. Trying to say the funniest stuff and entice them with just the right information that will allow all of us to be friends and hang out at each other’s houses.

The band is still here at the house and near the end of the night when everyone is decently fucked the hell up, the saxophonist member of the band starts rapping and gets me to get me to start rapping too. I do and it’s not half bad. For being someone that just started their professional rap career last week, I can hold my own. I am more inhibited than he is and so he takes the show. After the kitchen rap battle I see my friend Danger Dan heading outside with his guitar so I follow suit. When we get outside the band lead is waiting for us. Danger Dan starts playing Clint Eastwood on the guitar and with only the three of us in the night we start to spit.It was beautiful. Man it was a song, we sang about good friends and troubled times, about overcoming challenges and the glory that comes because of it, about the universe and our small places within this grand thing called existence right until the end. It was something special switching versus between the two of us while Mr. Dan held it down on the guitar. A memory worthy of a press to say the least.

As the night wound down I must have had one too many drinks because very quickly all the girls got swooped without my knowing and the rest of us were left dancing awkwardly with just ourselves. I made sure to say goodbye to everyone that I had met at the party and Mr. Danger Dan drove me home, along with the lead singer and a girl, who made out in the back seat the entire ride home.

Today my nose hurts but I feel good about what happened. As always, I am left with a strong urge to make up for weaknesses that prevented me from being more,which is exactly why I write this post. If you took the time to get this far into the article, then please feel free to leave a comment. I love advice and would for sure check out anything anyone leaves below. Until next time.

Wishing you enough.

Mediation for Psychonauts

The first words person said to me once were “Hey man, want to take some acid?” That was something said to me back when I was in college and that person turned into a good friend. I had never done acid before but even since tripping on mushroom in high school the acid thing had been on my to do list. At that moment when he propositioned me with the tripping idea I had never even had to chance to say yes to such a thing, but it felt right and so I took two hits acid with him and his friends.

The night was filled with many different adventures anywhere from shouting at trains to falling into a moat that surround the prison in the forest behind my house. The moment that really stuck out to me about that night did not take place in the world per say. It happened in my own mind (much like every moment I suppose but bear with me). I remember there being this kid that would not shut up. All night he would jibber jabber about nothing important. Sitting there in the same room as him I decided to tune him out. Finding this easy to do I shortly discovered that there was a song going on in the back of my head and so I decided to tune that out as well. Then I noticed my feet and other extremities which I would then tune out as well working all the way down through my mind until I found myself looking down at my own body from about two feet above my own head. Needless to say, this experience took me by surprise and just like that I snapped back into my own body and started looking around the room with my eyes, once again. Exclaiming to my friends at my new discovery I prepared to go back into that amazing state of mind but found that I could not. There were too many distractions and when I would try to tune things out they would pop right back into my head moments later.

The experience of leaving my body had such a profound impact on me that it lead to an acid binge that would last the better half of a year, all focused on getting back to that point of being outside the body. I have heard that this type of search, the type of search where you are looking for that first high that felt so right but can’t ever quite get back is called, chasing the dragon. I have not had an out of body experience since that first acid trip and honestly, don’t really care if I do or not.

Now days I am open to such a thing happening but have lost touch with the thirst that took me during my college days. Now I am finding different states of consciousness that are far more interesting than what acid can be. Acid is a great drug to try and can make for some magical experiences but there is too much muck that comes with the territory and the muck is what I want to avoid more than anything. Now I focus on a type of pure relaxation while simultaneously being completely focused. This type of state is found most often while doing simple mediations. Most of the time I just sit and try not to think. Man, oh man, there are times when I can feel some internal source of frustration building upon itself and eventually pop to leave me in a state of calm that I did not know were possible These states are becoming more powerful as I get better at meditating and I feel like there is something even bigger coming up soon. I wonder what it will be.

There are also flow states which happen when you engage your mind in something so fully that your brain kicks into over drive almost like going super saiyen or something. New abilities will flow from my mind and out my body so forcefully sometimes that I find it hard to believe that I even had the power to do such a thing.

Health foods and a solid sleep cycle followed by a solid workout right to the brink of exhaustion and one can find themselves higher than a fucking kite. It can be hard to convince people just how high you can get when doing these types of activities though as I know all too well from when I was an active member of that class. I think the pull of these drugs is the simplicity. It’s like you can either spend 1k hours practicing meditation or you can just eat some paper and get there in half an hour but its not like that. Real human power comes from honing skills so that they can be expressed within any moment. To create the conditions for these type of things is something that generally takes lots of work. All that being said I am super open to micro dosing and treating it something like a vitamin.

I have known people that can get fucked up every day of the week and any drug you can think of and be perfectly ready to go to class the next day. I am not one of these people. I have done a lot of different drugs in my life and many of these drugs I have done many times and most of these guys will floor me for a day after taking them. Most of these drugs I will never try again and can hardly think why I thought it was such a good idea at the time. I have sacrificed much for this wisdom but at least I have the ability to share with you now through the medium of writing. Shrooms and dmt. That’s it. Fuck everything else.

I once knew a kid that tried to convince me that drinking cough syrup was the most spiritually enlightening thing that anyone can do. I look at most people that push drugs the same way I looked at the cough syrup guy. Like fucking twat pushers. So, to anyone like me in the fact that I am fairly intelligent and able to fit smoothly into many different social situations and wanting to experiment with the psychedelics, I would say to wait until you have found the right people. This experiences will have a massive effect on you and should only be done with people that you admire and want to become. Learn from what you go through and in the end fasting for three days will bring more insight and get you higher than you can ever get on acid. End of story.