Category Archives: Human

Australia baby here I come

It feels like it’s all going to work out and come together just in the nick of time. It’s been too long that I have been under pressure to complete some task without the necessary resources, but now I have what I need to make the leap across the sea. All my bags are packed and I’m ready to go. As of today, there are two weeks until I leave for Australia. I do not know what I will get into in the remaining two weeks but I am sure that it will be an adventure worth writing about.

After working at Powder Mountain ski resort for the winter I returned to Colorado with 50 dollars and came to start saving money for the trip I am about to depart on. I was able to do exactly what I set out to do here in CO and was able to partake in a few extra adventures along the way. Some of which include working as a bartender for my first time, pirate party festival in Montana, getting a motorcycle, the hail storm, and then general adventuring around the city and in the mountains. There were more setbacks that I am willing to admit, and I am still working on not reacting negatively when life gives you the ol’ one two. Surely, I am making my way.

This past weekend I visited the family in Minnesota and was able to see all the close members that I have not seen too long. My mom’s new house, my brother’s awesome life, and my dad’s cabin in the woods. I know that I will miss them more than anything and this visit will be like my last breath of air as I plunge beneath the surface of America and my home.

There is so much to do. I still have not bought my plane ticket and will need to get on that as soon as I have my passport in had. I will need to figure out what to do with my remaining two weeks. The choice is between riding Vegas pedicabs or going to Portland to explore. I am leaning towards portland but cannot say for sure. I will make my decision at the last possible moment. Contacting my pedicab friends in CO and asking them if they want to go to Vegas is another option.

I am spending less of my time looking back. When I do look back it’s to learn from the past. To think about my wrongs and ways that I can correct so that when I am overseas I do not make mistakes that could potentially be catastrophic. More of my thought is put into the future and as the day come closer and closer I become more and more excited. I am sure that things will not go according to plan. I feel like they will go better, actually. Some things that are within the plan that I am looking forward to are things like pedicabbing in Melbourne, getting barreled on a surfboard, learning to scuba dive, seeing friends that are living on the other side of the world, living and loving in and outside of a car. Australia baby here I come!

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Handling Escapism

I would wager that just about everyone has some form of escapism that they engage in on the daily. A fraction of these people recognize the opportunities that are missed because of the time that is spent on something that is not in direct attainment of life’s goals. For me, its most obvious in the urge to play video games comes because I have shortcomings in other parts of my life. In order to change my focus to something that I am competent in, I turn to video games to get a sense of gratification that I am not getting in the real world. It can be extremely challenging to keep from turning to these types of escapism when faced with overwhelming obstacles. In order to get at the root of escapism I have a few penetrating questions. Where do these negative emotions come from? Why is it that I am unable to control myself when confronted with these emotions? What could be some possible solutions for living a better life?

Firstly, defining what constitutes a negative emotion that then turns me to escapism. From the position that I sit in now it seems entirely irrational to do anything but build myself to overcome in the face of adversity, but this is not the case. One instance of a source of these negative emotions comes from going out at night in order to have fun and meet new people. Not all the time but often enough these events can cascade downward so that when I am leaving the bar I feel alone in that I was unable to make a solid connection with anyone that I met that night. This does not happen often but when it does it can be hard to deal with. Other things that can be hard to deal with are things like shortcomings at work, run-ins with the bad side of the law, and arguments between friends. These are the type of things that cause negative emotions and thus give rise to the will to escape from it all.

The ideal version of myself grows stronger when faced with adversity and at times I have experienced such a thing. A willpower arise that detaches emotionally in order to achieve the desired outcome. Other times a weakness that desires to neglect the reality of the situation in favor of something lazy and shameful wins. I can only understand the ebb and flow of these two internal drives as a necessity of life and therefor I must prepare for both.

Building a life that is full of positive emotions so that one would never even be tempted by escapism sounds disagreeable. This is not to say that I would do anything but pursue my dream of dreams, it’s just that I feel that anything worth doing should be challenging and therefore will include trying situations. For me, it’s not about finding the path free of road bumps but more so about strengthening the self in order to handle any road bump that might occur; and so I turn my attention to the weakest version of myself and ask: What’s wrong? Why are you unable to do what you know to be right? Is it a lack of courage or maybe you just don’t want it bad enough? From the heightened perspective of where I sit now I can offer few words that might help. Remember that life is short and that greatness can only be achieved by those who work for it. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, so take your time and start small. Just remember to keep moving forward. Like the butterfly that created the hurricane, a small step in the right direction could be the first step to shift the minds of millions. Without the first step, there is nothing.

So yeah. Writing is where I do my most precise introspective work and by publishing this online I hope that it may help anyone that stumbles upon my work. If you thought about anything at all while reading please leave a comment. I love to hear other perspectives and to build a community is some of the greatest thing we do as humans and I am looking forward to all of it.

Hail Storm-

We had all been dreaming about the day that hail storm would come. When it actually hit, I remember expecting to wake up from a dream. In an area that has just been clobbered by hail it feels like an emp just went off or something. Everything is quiet save the scattered people in their yards that are in dismay over all the destruction that has happened to their material possessions. The hail that we were dealing with got to baseball size in some areas and I heard stories of people inside their cars, terrified as the hail slowly beat through their windshields and they would have to hold the glass up as a sort of shield to protect them from the weather. It’s ironic that the same event that causes so much horror to some can cause joy for others. As I canvassed neighborhoods that had be wrecked by hail just hours before, did I realize how much of a blessing this hailstorm was for a guy like me.

I moved to Denver about a month before the storm. I was just coming from working as a lift operator over the winter and has very litter money and much more debt. My plan was to work in Colorado to pay off my debt and save for my trip to Australia. Quickly I found 4 jobs and steadily did I start chipping away. I remember thinking about making a grand in a week and constantly setting my sights on that goal but never quite getting there. Money can slip away so easily if you’re not sticky disciplined with it. At this point in my life I was in lockdown mode spending maybe 100 a week and saving the other eight. It took going through more than a few of my major demons but after a month in CO I had my work ethic down to a science and I was on track to becoming what I wanted to create out of myself.

I had worked out a nice schedule working with the two brothers from Altitude. The way we had it worked out is that I would get 50 bucks every time I got a guy on the roof. Every time I cleared into a new tier I would get a $25 bonus on every lead that I had generated that week. The tiers where set to increments of 10 making it a $250 bonus. The first week I hit 4 leads, the second 7, and the third 10. I was feeling good about my progress and ready to keep building.

It was Monday afternoon when the hailstorm struck. I was just getting off from one of my other jobs as a delivery driver for a catering company. I was riding the bus near cores field when we were pelted with hail the size of grapes. I got a text from the guy that pays me with a picture of him holding three softball size hail in his hand. I met up with this guy and we ride out to an area that has just been destroyed by the storm. This is where I get let loose. The third house I knock the lady is outside looking in dismay at what is left of her car. We schedule a quick appointment for the next day. The next people I talk to schedule appointments for three different houses all owned by them only after showing me the hail they have collected in their kitchen freezer. The next three houses in a row all sign up. I’m texting Kyle their information. We getting backed up already. Over the following two hours I was able to knock out 19 new leads. By the end of the night I was still questioning if I might be dreaming.

The next day was big. I woke up early and got out and up in the hood early. People were everywhere all clearing out from the damage of the storm and I was able to talk with all of them about the catastrophe the happened the day before. I didn’t eat lunch that day. I just worked. I remember take short moments for a reality check throughout the day to find that I had forgotten where I was. By the end of the day I had generated 30 additional leads. Financially, that was the best day of my life and I can now see why there are storm chaser across the country.

Now its two weeks after the storm. Thing have slowed down quite a bit but I am still out there punching away. I got my own business title last week- VentureExpansions and we have moved into the tree timing business and I have already sold three different tree projects to two different tree trimming companies. Three people have worked with me on sales projects, one of which I owe a small amount of money. Tomorrow I will meet with three grounds men who are looking to work for pay and learn the art of trimming a tree from the tree trimming guy that I met today. I am aware of how fast I am moving. The thought that this could derail at any time keeps me vigilant. The amount of damage that this could do is an exciting. Only time will tell how this little venture will affect the greater narrative.

VentureExpansions

Its official. VentureExpansions finally has a business license and is operating as a legit company helping people solve problems in the Denver metro area. Its great to be taking steps in a direction that I always knew I would travel. Its awesome to be connecting with people that are in need and to be able to provide them with a service that fulfills that need. Much discipline is still needed to get things going in the direction that I want them to go but things are at least moving in that general direction.

Its important to note that in the US 4/5 business will fail within the first year. Being that it is the first week Id say that its time to be as vigilant and aware as possible. So far we have sold about 80 roofing inspections to various companies and set up two tree trimming jobs with AR Custom Woodwerks. Total business generated could be estimated at about 40k. Total commission earned could be estimated at about 8k. Total commission received 2,020 dollar bills baby!

Tomorrow I am meeting with a professional tree trimmer who would like to get on board with what we are doing here at VentureExpansions in that he is in need of tools and jobs. AR Custom Woodwerks can provide him with the tools, and I here at VentureExpansions can provide him with the jobs. Tomorrow looks like it will be at least 4 of us working out in various neighborhoods. Two door to door sales guys, and two professional tree trimming guys. My focus now is care. As the one that is putting most of this stuff together, it has become my responsibility to make sure that everyone gets their just accommodations for the work that they are putting into the company. Assuming I can generate half the business I plan to generate we should be fine. The idea is to do such a good job that all of these guys will come back the next day thirsty for the things that I can provide. Charisma with my friends will be key. Strict business ethics will also be a focus. Its hard to believe that this stuff is coming through to thruition. So thankful. So blessed.

Now the new project for me is the social media aspect of things. With my focus divided between Facebook, you-tube, word-press, snap-chat, twitter, and Instagram (did I miss any?) it will be a whole new world to learn. There are some basic fears in starting out. Things like; did I promise more than what I can deliver? I have almost no overhead cost. Am I going to be able to handle the road bumps and are for sure in my future? Is what I am doing exactly legal? I sure hope no one gets hurt. At some point you have got to put your head down and go for it. Currently looking for people that I tree trimming expirience or want to learn such skills, and always looking for canvassers that are comfortable earning a great income that is commission based. I understand that this is going to take an awful lot of work but that is what makes me so excited about it at the same time.

It all comes from a place of peace and love, and so from there what could possibly go wrong. Whatever it is we will have to see. I plan on writing about this so if you would like to keep up to date with the story just let me know. Any and all advice would be great so be sure to leave a comment. It might just save my life.

Best

-Chris

Music Vid w/ High Rez and Upgrades to the Personal Operating System

This is a transition story of coming from one way of life and entering another. There are forces of this world that clearly demonstrate the definition of power. Always there’s truth to the level of insanity. Its in finding the flow that allows one to predict the future. As I sit and write this story I think of many different ways of life and how they move through the stream of communication, passed down through more channels than any single person could dream about, all coming together to create the grand narrative of life. Sometimes I wonder if my being is not entirely made up of these forces, that the thing that I call I does not even exist, and that introspection is nothing but a trick invented by the mind long ago. Who can say other than impassioned individuals that seam to have an intuitive grasp and yet when asked to describe such a thing all words escape them? We can look and see what we find but in the end this is just a simple story.

Salt Lake City is what it looks and feels like. From the feeling you get when you catch another persons eye, to the type of cars people drive, Utah is a Mormon state. The beer has less alcohol, on Sunday they swarm the streets, and roads are named things like Temple. There is a cute little countercultural movement against Mormonism going on when I was there but that was not yet able to separate itself from the mainstream and attain autonomy making it so that the only types of people in Utah are Mormons and reactionary Mormons (A generalization of generalizations to be sure).

Anyways, I get a call from my friend Brock who says he wants to go to Colorado to shoot a music video. It takes me less than an hour to pack my hiking pack, Brock comes at 9am and we are off. I meet the other guy who is to be part of the music video and he reminds me of my old friend Gabe. The band is called The Dope Hippy Tribe and the three of us are off to spread the message that a hippie doesn’t need to have to enjoy the smell of flowers, or love hugging trees, and that maybe its just someone that has a deep fondness for life. With lyrics that sport boxing metaphors while aiming for the most uplifting and positive message possible, The Dope Hippy Tribe brings a new message to both the world of hip-hop and the hippie subculture. Through our initial talks I can feel myself awakening from a haze. Almost like there is a fog that is leaving the inside of my eyeballs letting me focus on the things that I feel are important. The more I ride and talk, the more thankful to have these two new companions.

(This is the part where I tell about some dope place to check out if you, reader, are ever in the area)

The idea of taking drugs is brought up. My friends are down but they are not sure what to get or where to get it. I tell them that if we go to Owsley’s Golden Road in Boulder that the chances that we pick LSD are close to 100. They ask me how I can be so certain and I tell them the story of Owsley quick: Owsley was a guy that worked as The Grateful Dead’s sound guy. When The Dead discovered LSD Owsley was one of the first to manufacture it on a large scale and was said to have produced more ten million hits of acid over the span of his life. When we arrived in Boulder and the three of us walked in to Owsley’s Bar, we talk to a grand total of two people before we find exactly what we were looking for. The guy that gave it to us didn’t even ask for a price and we ended up paying what we thought was fair. It felt right to attain LSD in this way.

Brock goes to sleep early. It’s just my new friend and I all night. It was on this night that I learned about learning. When we were both trippin my new friend got into his music. He would go so hard that I felt that he was an incarnate of some ghoulish entity that I had direct access to and was beaming me information from the nether world strait to my cranium. When I look back upon this situation rationally, that is exactly what happened. Throughout the night we talked through the eons and I was able to learn what makes this man the way he is. There was something hellish that drove his bones to action and over the night I could feel myself changing into something new that was now capable of supporting this new information and way of life. It was a nice upgrade to my personal operating system. The way of the skull hippy.

We did not sleep that night and as the morning rolled in and our friend Brock woke up we prepared for our big day; or we attempted and failed at a preparation more like. We neglected to charge our cell and couldn’t seem to follow the simple instructions of google maps and so missed out on many opportunities. When it was time for the music video we were all nervous that we would continue to miss out and therefore miss our biggest opportunity of the day.

At the time of first meeting the rapper Hi Rex I felt that his presence was lack luster but looking back I think he matched the emotion of the atmosphere and then did the part of the musician that he was, and the musician that he was was all about the money. The more I think about it the more respect I have for the guy. I mean, he is a sell out of an artist but owning the sell out title so well that he breaks through the idea of selling out and creates an artistic image of his own right. Praise to the dollar.

The man that really caught my attention was his producer. First impression of this guy was that he was full of himself. Muscle shirt, gold chains, and some sort of punk ass sunglasses on. I played his game to find wisdom it would have otherwise taken me years to find. His message was simple and emphasized hard work. We were able to shoot a short video for my youtube series- “bang stories” which he turned into a life lesson rather than some story of having sex with a girl. He told me of his affiliation with sales star Grant Cardone and of his books that’s scheduled to be published next month. It was more learning and more upgrades all day from these guys.

The camera we rented was a Cannon 6d. I had never even held one in my hand before. It was a magnificent piece of equipment. Like a beautiful woman; nothing ever needed to be forced when it comes to these guys. I loved using the camera and while we were shooting the video I got creative as possible. After we were done shooting I could feel a huge sense of relief come over Brock who praised me time and again for taking charge during the shooting. There was a moment in the sunlight on the streets of Denver where Brock looked into my eyes and he was able to show me how happy he was. The great part for me was that I was able to empathize with him all the way up. It feels good to serve and provide value to other people. In the end its all selfish and I really only do it for me, and that’s exactly why it feel so good to serve other people.

On our way back to Boulder, and to my new life, we stopped at Red Rocks amphitheatre to take one final shot of Brock dropping a prophetic verse on the main stage. Who knows what is to come in the future. As far as I’m concerned we could all die tomorrow be perfectly all right.

Peace out Utah. I’m here now instead. I’m still a little sore from the ass kicking I got from Powder Mountain this year but learned a valuable lesson of discernment between the people that work for an entity and the the entity itself. So grateful to everyone I was able to meet at a personal level and hope that they do their best to keep the thoughts of the corporate beast out of their heads and remember that people are people and should be treated in much the same way. This Colorado thing is feeling more right than anything ever has in my life. I have a few things to take care of before I can really start to expand but if there ever was a place to do it that place is here, and of course if there ever was a time, its tomorrow cause I’m going to bed! Lol.

Impermanence

The winter season is coming to an end. The snow feels like rubber and the lifties and disappearing in droves. I recently learned that there is a bonus for lifties that stay until the end of the season which is only weeks away. This has changed my mind and now I want to stay so that I can collect this bonus. There are many more perks about staying right up until the end but this is the main thing that would give me a little boost to get to the next place.

The main point of this paper is about a girl that I met about half way through the season. Early this morning I told her that I loved her. She told me that I shouldn’t say that and that its probably only infatuation. I disagreed. What’s great about this type of interaction is that I don’t care that she didn’t say it back. The fact that I said it in the first place was enough for me. I don’t need it back, I just want to give. It was difficult to make those simple words come out of my mouth. I have not told anyone besides my mother these words for longer than I can remember. It felt so good to get out and now it’s all about action. I will not press this further as she is clearly not ready to move forward with these types of emotions and so I will wait. I will keep on kissing her and taking her out to magical places. I will continue to sex her so good that she will not want to go anywhere else.

Now I feel great about the relationship that we have though I do get nervous about what will happen later. Presently I don’t mind if there are other men involved so long as I hold my own. It’s something of a challenge to keep a solid frame of mind despite these shadows lurking in darker places of my brain. It’s something of a primal instinct to protect the things that you desire. Rationally I can say that I believe in freedom and will never make a demand on another to save themselves for me. It may drive me insane but I will never flinch; so says the mind to the self as the self-chuckles with the wisdom of imperfection.

Getting kicked out of my house was a setback that has made life a bit more difficult but a lot more fun. Instead of spending my nights reading on the futon near a fire, I instead am thrust back into the furnace of the city without a place to go but never searching for a place to be. For now, I am content. I can read and I can write and while it is raining outside currently I am not afraid of where I will go. At any time, I could take off on my journey to the next place but instead I feel a sense of wanting to complete what my current situation is missing. My season at powder mountain and the girl that has done more than any have done for so long.

As the snow melts I find myself more deeply committed to my position in this world. I love what I am doing and yet I know that it can’t last. This is something that I have learned from traveling in the way that I go from place to place with much more thought put to the future than the past. There is an insatiable need to explore the world that drives me away from each ecosystem I create. Like the heartbreak that comes with finishing a great book and a beautiful looking back at what was accomplished. This is just the way things are, impermanent, which then causes me to contemplate the feeling. It’s as if there is a portion of love that comes from the yearning to keep what passes. After this discomfort passes a certain thresh hold we call it love. 

It seems to be less painful to be detached from the past but then there is something so melancholic and satisfying about having moments to cling on to. My past experiences are a source of fulfillment and a way to find meaning in this onslaught of sensory bombardment we refer to as the experience of life. Through pain we grow, and through the willful acceptance of pain do we grow strong. The real currency of this world is the experiences that we carry with us. How we feel these experiences add up into a human being is what give meaning. While it’s sad that these things come to an end I can’t say I would change it for anything.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. There is still at least two weeks left in the season and no way am I about to let this time go by without burning a fire so bright that it will sear a hole so deep into my mental retina that I will be plagued with the greatness of this time for the rest of my life.

Mediation for Psychonauts

The first words person said to me once were “Hey man, want to take some acid?” That was something said to me back when I was in college and that person turned into a good friend. I had never done acid before but even since tripping on mushroom in high school the acid thing had been on my to do list. At that moment when he propositioned me with the tripping idea I had never even had to chance to say yes to such a thing, but it felt right and so I took two hits acid with him and his friends.

The night was filled with many different adventures anywhere from shouting at trains to falling into a moat that surround the prison in the forest behind my house. The moment that really stuck out to me about that night did not take place in the world per say. It happened in my own mind (much like every moment I suppose but bear with me). I remember there being this kid that would not shut up. All night he would jibber jabber about nothing important. Sitting there in the same room as him I decided to tune him out. Finding this easy to do I shortly discovered that there was a song going on in the back of my head and so I decided to tune that out as well. Then I noticed my feet and other extremities which I would then tune out as well working all the way down through my mind until I found myself looking down at my own body from about two feet above my own head. Needless to say, this experience took me by surprise and just like that I snapped back into my own body and started looking around the room with my eyes, once again. Exclaiming to my friends at my new discovery I prepared to go back into that amazing state of mind but found that I could not. There were too many distractions and when I would try to tune things out they would pop right back into my head moments later.

The experience of leaving my body had such a profound impact on me that it lead to an acid binge that would last the better half of a year, all focused on getting back to that point of being outside the body. I have heard that this type of search, the type of search where you are looking for that first high that felt so right but can’t ever quite get back is called, chasing the dragon. I have not had an out of body experience since that first acid trip and honestly, don’t really care if I do or not.

Now days I am open to such a thing happening but have lost touch with the thirst that took me during my college days. Now I am finding different states of consciousness that are far more interesting than what acid can be. Acid is a great drug to try and can make for some magical experiences but there is too much muck that comes with the territory and the muck is what I want to avoid more than anything. Now I focus on a type of pure relaxation while simultaneously being completely focused. This type of state is found most often while doing simple mediations. Most of the time I just sit and try not to think. Man, oh man, there are times when I can feel some internal source of frustration building upon itself and eventually pop to leave me in a state of calm that I did not know were possible These states are becoming more powerful as I get better at meditating and I feel like there is something even bigger coming up soon. I wonder what it will be.

There are also flow states which happen when you engage your mind in something so fully that your brain kicks into over drive almost like going super saiyen or something. New abilities will flow from my mind and out my body so forcefully sometimes that I find it hard to believe that I even had the power to do such a thing.

Health foods and a solid sleep cycle followed by a solid workout right to the brink of exhaustion and one can find themselves higher than a fucking kite. It can be hard to convince people just how high you can get when doing these types of activities though as I know all too well from when I was an active member of that class. I think the pull of these drugs is the simplicity. It’s like you can either spend 1k hours practicing meditation or you can just eat some paper and get there in half an hour but its not like that. Real human power comes from honing skills so that they can be expressed within any moment. To create the conditions for these type of things is something that generally takes lots of work. All that being said I am super open to micro dosing and treating it something like a vitamin.

I have known people that can get fucked up every day of the week and any drug you can think of and be perfectly ready to go to class the next day. I am not one of these people. I have done a lot of different drugs in my life and many of these drugs I have done many times and most of these guys will floor me for a day after taking them. Most of these drugs I will never try again and can hardly think why I thought it was such a good idea at the time. I have sacrificed much for this wisdom but at least I have the ability to share with you now through the medium of writing. Shrooms and dmt. That’s it. Fuck everything else.

I once knew a kid that tried to convince me that drinking cough syrup was the most spiritually enlightening thing that anyone can do. I look at most people that push drugs the same way I looked at the cough syrup guy. Like fucking twat pushers. So, to anyone like me in the fact that I am fairly intelligent and able to fit smoothly into many different social situations and wanting to experiment with the psychedelics, I would say to wait until you have found the right people. This experiences will have a massive effect on you and should only be done with people that you admire and want to become. Learn from what you go through and in the end fasting for three days will bring more insight and get you higher than you can ever get on acid. End of story.