It’s been two weeks since I had a good shower. I took a small late night dip in the river when it was dark enough that no one could see my naked body. I didn’t submerge myself making the cleaning process more of a rinsing process. At least I got to clean my butt out. Still, rinsing myself out in the water most likely made me look more like a dirty kid with all the water makes covering my body, and it didn’t do well for the smell either. It was at about this time that I started to obsess over a shower.
I started sleeping on another side of the mountain just the other day. The problem is that I am always making camp at night when no one can see past a few feet. What looks like it is a nice and secretive camp turns out to be mad in the open when daytime rolls around. Early in the morning I am often startled and put on edge by a casual hiker passing by. There is also the matter of storing my pack; close enough to the action but now in a place where it could be found. My meditation is slipping as well. I have been in the habit of meditating every morning off and on for well over three years now. Whenever I fall out of the habit it’s a sign that my discipline is slipping and that I need to get my shit together. In this situations the reason is obvious. I’m sleeping in a fucking hammock on the side of the mountain. That’s really no excuse though. The cold of the morning air is what is really stopping me but this can be solved by putting on a sweater while I sit.
For the past day or so something foul has been moving through my body and this morning is when my body decided it had enough. Around six in the morning I climbed out of my hammock, leaned my butt over a tree, and let something bubble out onto the ground. Not having access to a shower I was forced to sit with this all day. It wasn’t as bad as I am making it sound but on my mind all day was the thought of cleaning myself out. I arrived back from Denver and looked up the nearest swimming pool and used their free showers and soap to clean off the past two weeks of dirt. I feel like a new person.
I have taken great strides to make friends and escape a type of loneliness. Which reminds me that I should email my friend about the incredible hulk. And now I can speak on this topic with an amount of authority. For the area of the human experience that is lonely and can’t seem to bridge the gap of friendship and companionship, for those that find themselves perpetually repeating a cycle you first have to get out of a negative mindset. I recommend a shower. If a shower is enough to brighten your day, then you can progress into meeting new people and forming the start to a relationship that has the potential to turn into something greater. That is where I am at now. I have many acquaintances but it took that shower to get me to the point of perusing the next step of relations.
Let you know how it goes.
I didn’t choose the cave life; the cave life chose me. Less than a week ago I had to leave my home in order to avoid my drunk roommate who was one who couldn’t handle the stressors of life. In one last attempt to bring order to the house I told him that I could not live in a place where the owner is threatening to kick me out one day and then seeks counseling for his dying relatives the next. Instead of moving in the direction of understanding he decided then that it would be the right time for me to leave. Willfully I left. I packed my hiking pack to the brim, placed it on my back, and buckled the hip strap for ease of carry. I then packed my day pack and threw that over my chest. After I had laden myself to the hilt I hiked up the mountain to the cave that I had found a few days before.
The cave is nice. It takes a solid 45 minutes of climbing over rocks and through thick brush to get to the cave, which is plenty for privacy. Every morning I make the long walk down and every night I make the long hike up. In the morning I meditate while gazing over hundreds of miles and then crack a can of chili for breakfast. There was even a thunderstorm a few days back. Besides a small hole in the roof of the cave I was kept dry enough to sleep.
After four nights in the cave I moved to a semi populated area of the mountain and found a superb bush to sleep in that shielded me from the prying eyes of passing hikers. One night in the bush and I decided to move. I felt like I would be discovered if I stayed in that place for too long and now I live on the side of the mountain in an area hardly populated. It would take a climber with an unusual desire to go off the path and even more unusualness to climb as high as I did. I am not looking forward to my walk to camp. I am looking forward to sleep.
My days consist of working towards financial stability and halfhearted socialization. Sometimes I think its escapist to work on my computer rather than talking and playing with the infinite number of young people all around me, but at the end of the day the thought of house then social seems to be more optimal than bum looking for friends. I do get my social time in. Already I am seeing the same people when I go out. There are the techno kids that hang out on the roof, there are the street bums that I find myself far too attracted to, there are various college kids that seem to show up at random, and then there are a number of other mountain people that go about life in a peaceful and privileged sort of way. Like always I find myself going through emotions both high and low. It’s hard to see how I got myself in this economic and social irresponsibility once again and at the same time I feel a sense of freedom hardly recognized by a traditional perception. I don’t have responsibilities, I just goals.
I am excited for tomorrow because it means another day of work and I will be that much closer to finding a spot to live. The business side of the world opens up tomorrow as well which means I will be able to make progress on working for a solar company as well as make progress on getting my pedicab license. My ultimate focus on business must be why my holiday feels so weird. I want to focus on making money while the world wants to play.
I do like to write and this is my bush.