Category Archives: Enlightenment

A Story of Coming Up

This is a story of coming from darkness into the light, which has been theme on this blog. At one level I wish I could stay in the good life and keep on building from there, but life is full of surprises and everyone is tossed from the saddle from time to time. The value that I hope to give people who read my blog is the moment of climbing back into the saddle. In these moments can we make that triumphant cry but only with bloodshot eyes that know there is a long road ahead and that this is only the first step of a long journey. Here is an invitation to come along for the ride on yet another first step.

The past few weeks of my life it’s been hard work just to stay afloat. Mostly adrift I have been looking for something to give greater purpose and ground me in the life of my dreams. There have been two types of people that I am working with along the way and they are the people that I know I should be around, and the people that my parents know I should not be around. When it comes to a supportive environment free of the bad kind of drugs and full of the right type of attitude, my friends are split. In my mind I know that I should be hanging out with the people that fit the mold, but for sometimes I feel more comfortable with the dirty kids. Maybe it’s some sort of superiority complex where I need to feel and act like a boss. Whatever the case my life is wild and I have been teetering on a line filled with all the good and all the bad I could ever imagine.

As I continue to get into more and more crazy experiences (see “Going into the unknown”) I start to think about grounding and the events that build character. Part of me wants to run away and go headlong back into travel, but deep down I feel that I need to build something of a community and stay in one place long enough to face my demons. I was hoping that this type of grounding and greater significance in life could be found through work. A job that I love doing and one that would allow me to attain my greater aspirations in life. At first I thought that job would come by selling cars and so I tried my hand. It was an emptiness in my stomach and a yearning for more that told me it was time to find something new. In the three weeks I worked at Subaru I sold three cars and so feel that I can say that I left not because I was a bad salesman but because I am bad at working with a team. One of my demons to be faced for sure.

Living in a car with a job can feel like a bird without a nest. Living in a car without a job can be like falling into a pit without bottom. I spent the few weeks after Subaru doing some of the worst activities. Eating cheap and unhealthy, surfing junk online at whatever library I found suitable for the day. There are a few positive things the be said about my decident path. First, my meditation has stayed with me through thick and thin. 20 min a day on the usual. These practices have been expanding into a domain I can only hint at here, on this webpage, and in this current reality, into something truly profound with a path of clear challenges to be overcome. Second, I always find time to hit the gym and work my body, and it shows if I do say so for myself! My reading has also stayed on point and I will be picking up a book called The Art of Seduction as soon as I am finished with this. On the same page as reading I will say that my curiosity with life has never come close to turning off. Constantly am I looking for new things to learn and this studious attitude towards life is taking me far. I really do love learning and what may be more, I love knowing, as little as that may be. As sick and as lonely as I can feel at times, I can always look back and say at least there was this.

Ok, now it’s time to tell you the kicker. The thing that I found that provides me with so much meaning and direction and purpose that it’s changing my life. It’s a job, the job I picked up after my job at Subaru, and it’s a job that takes me in quite the opposite direction. That job is a ski instructor at a mountain about and hour from the city of Seattle. My first day was just a week ago and it’s taken over my life by (snow) storm. On my first day the hill was so crowded and the demand for instructors was so high that my second lesson I worked solo with 12 fresh new skiers. With no training it was my responsibility to get these folks (mostly around the age of 28) from gaper level skiers to something that might be able to hit a chairlift. Dare I say that I am training future rippers capable of dreaming up their next runs in the nights before they hit the slopes. Unfortunately this is not the case for everyone.

Some of the best moments of my life have been had on the side of a snow covered mountain. Conveying this to people is the best part of my job, but the reality is that most people suck and take a learning class just so they can think that they are getting unusually good at technique when in actuality it’s almost entirely about the attitude. The attitude of pushing your limits is the thing that is going to get you super good at skiing. What I get paid to do is to hold gapers hands and tell them things that make them feel like they are getting some type of understanding. I try and enlighten people to the truth as much as I can, and the truth is that if you want to get good at something you need to keep pushing your comfort zone.

The people that go pro will go for years without lessons because they have the “can do” attitude and don’t need lessons. What anyone can do to get good fast is hit the bunny hill until they can make a turn left and make a turn right. After that has been accomplished they need to take the chair (even against better judgement) and then get something like 400 right turns and 400 left turns in. After that has been accomplished its time to take it to the gnarliest terrain possible and send it as hard as you can.So long as it doesn’t kill you, you are going to come out stronger. This is the point where something akin to the title of ripper can been attained. Here is when people are capable of loving the sport for the sport itself. But hey, that’s a tall mountain for anyone to climb and I don’t expect it of everyone.

I worked with a young boy about the age of 6 for my last lesson today. We started with boot work and then gradually moved up to walking on flat ground with skis attached. After that we worked on hiking up the mountain without sliding backwards and then bombing a short distance without falling. By the end of hour one he was making turns and even stopping mid run. When I told him that I thought he had a natural gift for this sport he shrugged and said he figured as much. After a day of teaching people, most of which will never find their passion, it felt like a gulp a hot cider after a long and cold walk through the rain to work with this kid. He had the attitude and thus had a future in the sport of skiing. I can’t wait to see him next week to we how much further we can get.

I have been saving the best until last and must say that the feeling I get from working with people that really learn comes in a close second but first the feeling I get from the woman of the mountain. Everyday I teach up to 40 different people how to ski. I am doing public speaking about something that I love and all day I get to dick off and hit on women in a sly and politically not appropriate manner. It’s clear when a girl is into me and it’s something that happens slightly less than once a class, making it something like 3 girls a day. At first I was taken in by my co-workers. The girl at the shop, the girl at the ticket counter, a fellow instructor; but as of now its all about the girls I teach. I am kickin it with one the day after tomorrow. We are meeting up near the ferry, next to the bay of the Puget Sound, downtown Seattle. I can’t think of a better place for a first time.

Life always feels better with greater meaning. Meaning may be very thing that makes life feel good. A job can be a great source of meaning and a great job will do exactly that. Money will always be a problem but now, at the end of the day, I enjoy the food more because my body is exhausted from a solid day of work. Now, leave work and feel like a made a difference in someone’s life. Now I can say I made a difference in my life. I feel good about my life and where I am going. Hope you’ll stick around to see how it goes because I will be sure to let you know. I will be here, writing, learning, living and loving. Be sure to leave a comment and let me know what you think. Best blessings and I hope that you too can find something that gives you meaning.


The Shawman Toolkit- Sage

This article is intended for anyone that wants to start incorporating tools for the function of heightening the psychedelic experience. There are many tools by which this can be done, sage being just one of them. Personally, I have been around sage many time throughout most of my life but generally disregard the plant for the same general reason why I disregard sound healing and acupuncture, but as I look for additional tools by which I can heighten the experience of my people my search is becoming broader.

Today we will be talking about sage which is a plant that has been used in medicine since ancient times. Traditionally it has been used to ward off evil spirits, treat snake bites, increase a woman’s fertility and more. It’s a known diuretic and anesthetic, and so is pretty much good for any type of tingle, snag, burp, or bump.

The practice of using sage to clear space of negative energy is called smudging and has been around for thousands of years. When burned sage is believed to be able to clear negative energy as well as provide protection from negative energies to come. Traditionally smudging is done with each of the four elements reenacted through the dish (water), the erb (earth), the burn (fire), and the smoke (air). The idea is that it’s the smoke that gathers negativity as it passes through and over objects. As the smoke is ushered away so is the negativity. The important part of the process is the intent of the person performing the smudging in that one should focus on exactly what one wants to get out of the process.

As I alluded to at the beginning of this essay, there is an element of mysticism that I have always been in opposition to. In reflection upon the ancient tradition I don’t think there is anything to it, meaning; it would not stand the scrutiny of a double blind study on the effectiveness of cleansing properties of sage beyond the power of intent or placebo, but let us not overlook the power of placebo in its cultural influence that is not evenly distributed or random. The ancients were able to tune into something that was later found out to be more than meaningful, useful. Why is it that our culture gatherers beliefs around specific things? Things like archetypal stories or color. Let us be careful to not fall into the same pit as the masses with things like religion, self-help, or vanity in that we seek to not only use the wisdom of the past but to build upon such foundation, shaky though they may be. To transcend the cultural effect attached to something like sage would be something only a Sage could be capable of. For the average human sage, in addition to being an anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, and smelling nice, provides a sense of meaning in connection with a old tradition which is not a power that can be gained easily but is such the power of the scientist.


“For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”



Elves live here

I never level capped in the world or warcraft, but I did get to explore and played until maybe the level of 40. I remember playing as an ork shaman and so started off my Wow life in Draenor. I made my way through the world of war-craft just as I am making my way around the USA. The are many parallels between America and Wow. Draenor is Colorado, the land of the dead is obviously New Orleans, Minnesota the dwarven realm, and now here in Seattle I have finally found the land of the elves.

If you look all people that fall under the label of “hippy” you might find a type of hierarchy. Most bums and riff raff here in America will call themselves hippies just because of their openness to new ideas and their convenient socialist ideals. As you climb the hierarchy, hippies become more disciplined and are often found practicing yoga and living a vegan lifestyle. At the very top of the hierarchy some hippies have taken to living in self sustaining tree houses much like the wood elves in Lord of the Rings.


This type of life is something that I have been seeking for a long time and living here in Seattle has already started to effect my lifestyle in many ways. I have started the vegetarian diet and might send it to the vegan thing here soon and then yoga begins this next week. There is so much from my past that must die and even more in my future that has yet to be born and mature. The fear of falling back into old paths is abound but if not for perfection then what else could we aim for.

A friend of mine has come to me with a business proposition. He has asked me to go in with him in the business of flipping buses. The basics are that we take an old bus and turn it into a quality home for rich people to live out of. The idea of doing my own business and creating for myself is everything I could have wanted. They guy that I would be going into business is my opposite and I might even go so far as to consider him one of the dark order, organizer and leader of goblins, but something more of a man himself. The perfect antithesis of a high elf and everything I could want out of a co-creator.

The reason for writing this paper is to get my thoughts in order so that I can plan effectively for the future. The west coast is everything I could have dreamed of but staying here would mean delaying my dreams of world travel for a considerable amount of time. The risk would be great and I would be putting everything I have into this venture. If something were to go wrong I would be back at rock bottom for sure. A winter spent here in Seattle would be miserable, though a sacrifice that I would not be unwilling to commit. I would be living on a bus that I would also building and converting. I would not have a car. Transportation would be by bicycle and in a city where it rains about 150 days out of the year, most of which are in the winter, it would be quite the sacrifice.

On the other hand, there is the entire coast to explore and even still Australia looms in the distance. A trip down the coast in my Subi followed by a flight to Hawaii and then another jump to Australia and I am back on my world traveler plan. High end potential could be this blog taking off, online business, bartending, and all those side projects that I am constantly focused on. This plan doesn’t give me the knock my socks off business opportunity that I am looking for and so I am swayed to stay in Seattle but my confidence comes from holding back on commitment and waiting to see what thoughts mature and what thoughts do not.

Power over the self is the ultimate goal. Being able to say that you will do something and then following through and doing it is where meaning of self is created. I must admit weakness on this facet of life coming from my life in Denver. Many times did I say that I would change just to find that I could not break free from old habits. Here in Seattle I have already proven to myself that I am not confined by my old ways. What was it that changed that allowed me to make these forceful commands of life? How far can this power be pushed and tested? With what joy it is to discover a new power such as this.

A mantra that I have picked up in the past few weeks is to take it one step at a time. I need to remember to focus on the little things and let the macro unfold from diligently taken individual steps. Tonight I fill up the gas tank and buy groceries. This week I aim to spend no money Monday through Friday. Once you have everything you need the focus of life is left to shift. To what I cannot say. The great unknown is where the treasure hides. To explore uninhibited to find the secrets of life. To create. To destroy. To live by ones own word no matter the cost.


Australia baby here I come

It feels like it’s all going to work out and come together just in the nick of time. It’s been too long that I have been under pressure to complete some task without the necessary resources, but now I have what I need to make the leap across the sea. All my bags are packed and I’m ready to go. As of today, there are two weeks until I leave for Australia. I do not know what I will get into in the remaining two weeks but I am sure that it will be an adventure worth writing about.

After working at Powder Mountain ski resort for the winter I returned to Colorado with 50 dollars and came to start saving money for the trip I am about to depart on. I was able to do exactly what I set out to do here in CO and was able to partake in a few extra adventures along the way. Some of which include working as a bartender for my first time, pirate party festival in Montana, getting a motorcycle, the hail storm, and then general adventuring around the city and in the mountains. There were more setbacks that I am willing to admit, and I am still working on not reacting negatively when life gives you the ol’ one two. Surely, I am making my way.

This past weekend I visited the family in Minnesota and was able to see all the close members that I have not seen too long. My mom’s new house, my brother’s awesome life, and my dad’s cabin in the woods. I know that I will miss them more than anything and this visit will be like my last breath of air as I plunge beneath the surface of America and my home.

There is so much to do. I still have not bought my plane ticket and will need to get on that as soon as I have my passport in had. I will need to figure out what to do with my remaining two weeks. The choice is between riding Vegas pedicabs or going to Portland to explore. I am leaning towards portland but cannot say for sure. I will make my decision at the last possible moment. Contacting my pedicab friends in CO and asking them if they want to go to Vegas is another option.

I am spending less of my time looking back. When I do look back it’s to learn from the past. To think about my wrongs and ways that I can correct so that when I am overseas I do not make mistakes that could potentially be catastrophic. More of my thought is put into the future and as the day come closer and closer I become more and more excited. I am sure that things will not go according to plan. I feel like they will go better, actually. Some things that are within the plan that I am looking forward to are things like pedicabbing in Melbourne, getting barreled on a surfboard, learning to scuba dive, seeing friends that are living on the other side of the world, living and loving in and outside of a car. Australia baby here I come!

Handling Escapism

I would wager that just about everyone has some form of escapism that they engage in on the daily. A fraction of these people recognize the opportunities that are missed because of the time that is spent on something that is not in direct attainment of life’s goals. For me, its most obvious in the urge to play video games comes because I have shortcomings in other parts of my life. In order to change my focus to something that I am competent in, I turn to video games to get a sense of gratification that I am not getting in the real world. It can be extremely challenging to keep from turning to these types of escapism when faced with overwhelming obstacles. In order to get at the root of escapism I have a few penetrating questions. Where do these negative emotions come from? Why is it that I am unable to control myself when confronted with these emotions? What could be some possible solutions for living a better life?

Firstly, defining what constitutes a negative emotion that then turns me to escapism. From the position that I sit in now it seems entirely irrational to do anything but build myself to overcome in the face of adversity, but this is not the case. One instance of a source of these negative emotions comes from going out at night in order to have fun and meet new people. Not all the time but often enough these events can cascade downward so that when I am leaving the bar I feel alone in that I was unable to make a solid connection with anyone that I met that night. This does not happen often but when it does it can be hard to deal with. Other things that can be hard to deal with are things like shortcomings at work, run-ins with the bad side of the law, and arguments between friends. These are the type of things that cause negative emotions and thus give rise to the will to escape from it all.

The ideal version of myself grows stronger when faced with adversity and at times I have experienced such a thing. A willpower arise that detaches emotionally in order to achieve the desired outcome. Other times a weakness that desires to neglect the reality of the situation in favor of something lazy and shameful wins. I can only understand the ebb and flow of these two internal drives as a necessity of life and therefor I must prepare for both.

Building a life that is full of positive emotions so that one would never even be tempted by escapism sounds disagreeable. This is not to say that I would do anything but pursue my dream of dreams, it’s just that I feel that anything worth doing should be challenging and therefore will include trying situations. For me, it’s not about finding the path free of road bumps but more so about strengthening the self in order to handle any road bump that might occur; and so I turn my attention to the weakest version of myself and ask: What’s wrong? Why are you unable to do what you know to be right? Is it a lack of courage or maybe you just don’t want it bad enough? From the heightened perspective of where I sit now I can offer few words that might help. Remember that life is short and that greatness can only be achieved by those who work for it. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, so take your time and start small. Just remember to keep moving forward. Like the butterfly that created the hurricane, a small step in the right direction could be the first step to shift the minds of millions. Without the first step, there is nothing.

So yeah. Writing is where I do my most precise introspective work and by publishing this online I hope that it may help anyone that stumbles upon my work. If you thought about anything at all while reading please leave a comment. I love to hear other perspectives and to build a community is some of the greatest thing we do as humans and I am looking forward to all of it.

Reasons to learn lucid dreaming

A lucid dream in a direct encounter with the subconscious that can cause greater knowledge of the self. In a lucid dream, you are surrounded with imagery that is invented within the mind. By looking at the symbolism of these images and figuring out the meaning under the surface, the dreamer is allowed access into the psyche at a level that may not be able to be experienced in waking life. By understanding these aspects of the subconscious, the conscious mind has the opportunities to understand and mend injuries that may have been held within the body for years. Learn to lucid dream.

Lucid dreaming offers endless creativity and escapism. Is this not the reason that all of us dream other than to find ourselves in a world that would not otherwise be possible. To be able to speak to your dead idol, or to spend some time with the otherwise extinct dinosaurs. All of these things become possible in a lucid dream, where the limits of the world become the limits of imagination rather than the limits of physics or money. Lucid dreaming allows anyone to experience anything they can create.

This can work as an exercise for your imagination as well. As you experience more profound realities within the dream world you then get an idea of what you can conjure up inside your head and all of a sudden you notice yourself become more daring within your waking world. Social situations become expanded as you play within your world with a greater understanding of where things have the potential to go. You become braver in creating fantasies that previously you would have never thought of. Lucid dreaming is an expansion of the mind that improves more than just the world of sleep.

When experiencing the first lucid dreams, questions of consciousness often arise. What is the nature of consciousness and what is the nature control. By experimenting with these questions one gets a greater understanding of the true nature of things like consciousness and control. Greater understanding of these things pervades all of waking experience and allows one to live a life that has greater clarity and direction. As you start to question things like the nature of reality you get a greater understanding for what is real which then translates into more accurate goal attainment as you can now sort out what your are fantasizing about, and what you are able to control.

Science has shown that you become better at things that you dream about. This means that lucid dreams get to choose what they want to get better at, and that they can use lucid dreaming as a training ground for whatever they want. Beginning lucid dreamers will often do things like talk to lots of women or focus on getting money. Later in their career they can focus on things like living in the world of the forums and experiencing reality on deeper levels, all of which act like training helping them get better at life.

Throughout the course of life, we experience setbacks that can be hard to get over. The death of a loved one for example, can be relived within the dream. Lucid dreamers have the option of speaking with the loved one and asking them questions they wished they had voiced while the loved one was still alive. Nothing can ever replace the real thing, but through dreams we can often find solace in death and can greave easier when we have access to our memories within a dream.

Lucid dreaming is fun as shit. Just imagine that when you go to sleep you could be fighting armies of ninja warriors, or blasting through space in a rocket shit you invented with your mind. You could be having sex with thousands of women or maybe you are the king of nations. You can do anything you want and for that reason lucid dreaming is an incredibly empowering activity that everyone should take the time to learn.

Next week’s post will be the specifics of how to lucid dream and the challenges that first time lucid dreamer often face. Personally, I am going through all of these challenges now and would love to help others get through to the other side of lucid dreaming. Until next time.




Dream Voyagers

One of my first lucid dream memories comes from when I was about the age of ten and living in the farm land of Minnesota. In my dreamscape, I wondered the wheat fields of MN that I knew so well. Nothing out of the ordinary was happening but all of a sudden I realized that the experience before me was but a dream and that by the power of thought I could invent whatever I desired. Being ten I began to summon armies of ninja warriors to fight. I would leap over the heads of my enemies slashing down thousands of soldiers until eventually I became bored. Standing alone in the middle of my war-torn wheat field I looked across the blank horizon and attempted to summon a simple tree. To my frustration, I found that I could not keep the tree in my dream and found that the harder I tried the more it would slip away. In much the same way that it is almost impossible to not think of pink elephants when confronted with the idea of pink elephants, I found that I could not keep the tree in the mind’s eye of my dream.

I first started actively attempting to attain lucidity near the end of my high school years. I became obsessed and would perform reality checks multiple times throughout the day so that it only took me about a week before I had my first intentional lucid dream. I was in my mother’s house when I realized that I was actually in a dream version of my mother’s house. I was startled and amazed with my discovery of the dream but to my later dismay I did nothing with this realization and instead chose to act out the dream exactly how it would have gone with or without my realization.

A few weeks later I had my next experience of an intentional lucid dream. In this dream, I was wondering the tunnels of the Morlocks. This was a particularly frightening dream that I have had a few times ever sense seeing the Wish Bone rendition of George Orwell’s The Time Machine from my younger years of watching PBS television. As the dream progressed I began running through tunnels being chased by monsters. The fear must have been what shocked me into the realization of the dream. With the realization came a massive amount of confidence that erased the fear and I began lighting torches and tossing light into side tunnels filled with hordes of Morlocks to watch them scatter in fear of the light. As the dream rose to a climax everything began to fad and I could not remain in my dream state. To my dismay, I woke to find myself in my abnormally boring bedroom and unable to reconnect with the adventure that I had experienced moments before

Later in my career I became connected with a community of lucid dreamers to find that these are common problems faced by many dream voyagers. The solution to these challenges are found in the discipline of the mind and in future posts I mean to disclose the meditative and imaginative practices that can help with these types of experiences. Things like dream reinforcement and the active practice of not think of pink elephants. If you have other dream challenges please comment below as I would love to expand my research and expand the community of people I communicate with on this topic.

Love y’all