Category Archives: Self improvement

Elves live here

I never level capped in the world or warcraft, but I did get to explore and played until maybe the level of 40. I remember playing as an ork shaman and so started off my Wow life in Draenor. I made my way through the world of war-craft just as I am making my way around the USA. The are many parallels between America and Wow. Draenor is Colorado, the land of the dead is obviously New Orleans, Minnesota the dwarven realm, and now here in Seattle I have finally found the land of the elves.

If you look all people that fall under the label of “hippy” you might find a type of hierarchy. Most bums and riff raff here in America will call themselves hippies just because of their openness to new ideas and their convenient socialist ideals. As you climb the hierarchy, hippies become more disciplined and are often found practicing yoga and living a vegan lifestyle. At the very top of the hierarchy some hippies have taken to living in self sustaining tree houses much like the wood elves in Lord of the Rings.

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This type of life is something that I have been seeking for a long time and living here in Seattle has already started to effect my lifestyle in many ways. I have started the vegetarian diet and might send it to the vegan thing here soon and then yoga begins this next week. There is so much from my past that must die and even more in my future that has yet to be born and mature. The fear of falling back into old paths is abound but if not for perfection then what else could we aim for.

A friend of mine has come to me with a business proposition. He has asked me to go in with him in the business of flipping buses. The basics are that we take an old bus and turn it into a quality home for rich people to live out of. The idea of doing my own business and creating for myself is everything I could have wanted. They guy that I would be going into business is my opposite and I might even go so far as to consider him one of the dark order, organizer and leader of goblins, but something more of a man himself. The perfect antithesis of a high elf and everything I could want out of a co-creator.

The reason for writing this paper is to get my thoughts in order so that I can plan effectively for the future. The west coast is everything I could have dreamed of but staying here would mean delaying my dreams of world travel for a considerable amount of time. The risk would be great and I would be putting everything I have into this venture. If something were to go wrong I would be back at rock bottom for sure. A winter spent here in Seattle would be miserable, though a sacrifice that I would not be unwilling to commit. I would be living on a bus that I would also building and converting. I would not have a car. Transportation would be by bicycle and in a city where it rains about 150 days out of the year, most of which are in the winter, it would be quite the sacrifice.

On the other hand, there is the entire coast to explore and even still Australia looms in the distance. A trip down the coast in my Subi followed by a flight to Hawaii and then another jump to Australia and I am back on my world traveler plan. High end potential could be this blog taking off, online business, bartending, and all those side projects that I am constantly focused on. This plan doesn’t give me the knock my socks off business opportunity that I am looking for and so I am swayed to stay in Seattle but my confidence comes from holding back on commitment and waiting to see what thoughts mature and what thoughts do not.

Power over the self is the ultimate goal. Being able to say that you will do something and then following through and doing it is where meaning of self is created. I must admit weakness on this facet of life coming from my life in Denver. Many times did I say that I would change just to find that I could not break free from old habits. Here in Seattle I have already proven to myself that I am not confined by my old ways. What was it that changed that allowed me to make these forceful commands of life? How far can this power be pushed and tested? With what joy it is to discover a new power such as this.

A mantra that I have picked up in the past few weeks is to take it one step at a time. I need to remember to focus on the little things and let the macro unfold from diligently taken individual steps. Tonight I fill up the gas tank and buy groceries. This week I aim to spend no money Monday through Friday. Once you have everything you need the focus of life is left to shift. To what I cannot say. The great unknown is where the treasure hides. To explore uninhibited to find the secrets of life. To create. To destroy. To live by ones own word no matter the cost.

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How to: mental upgrades 


Today’s routine: Wake up and walk to a bay side coffee shop for breakfast and to work on photography stuff.. After that I will head around town picking up various items that make my life more complete, mostly car parts. Later in the afternoon I will head to the YMCA to pump the guns and then shower before I go and work with kids at an after school programme. What will happen tonight I never know. Last night I dropped in at the Seattle fire collective to watch humans play with fire and to meet the folk that put on these events. It’s a movement and I love to celebrate with these types of people. The connects that can be made are out of this world alien level shit sometimes.

At other times I go to events don’t connect with anyone. Where are you from is something I avidly try and avoid asking and yet find myself in the same conversation more than I am willing to admit. On occasion vast stretches of time are spent in a mindset that can’t come up with conversation other than the standard questions that everyone has heard a million times before. Where are you from? What do you do? What part of town do you live? Would you mind shooting me in the head right now?

It was less than a month ago that I got reawakened to the communication path I desire to be on. I remember the night that the awakening happened. I back at my old college town bar scene talking with anyone that wanted to talk. Then the remarkable happened. One of the conversations turned into something meaningful. I can’t say exactly how anything comes to from not having meaning to have meaning but somehow a stranger and I saw eye to eye. The conversation was simple. We talked about our lives and the experiences that had brought us to the present moment and then gradually we built into something truly inspirational with the catchphrase of “I just make myself into a person with a cando attitude” climaxing out short talk. I felt like I had learned something and it felt good.

I do not believe that the man I was talking with was trying to improve my life; instead felt the stimulation caused by something that means something and so, like the good human he is, plugged himself in and talked away. At that moment I did not know how much my life had been changed. All I know was that I felt good and that I wanted to go out and spread the good vibes, and so I did. It’s easy to talk with anyone when you feel light and happy. The conversation flows from a free place inside and what feels like anything is possible. It would be hard to sum up what I had learned from this man with logic or a catchphrase. It was subtle click and it changed the game.

“Lift up your hearts, my brothers, high, higher! And do not forget your legs either. Lift us your legs, too, you good dancers; and better yet, stand on your heads.” -Thus Spake Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche

One of the main function of the brain is adaptability. What amazes me is just how much can change with nothing more than information. While it seems that we continue to learn from all situations, life is not a constant climb upwards. There are times when we sink and must go backwards before we can go forwards once again. My questions are; What are the things that change our perspective and change the way we react to the world? Can we design a life to safeguard against pitfalls and thus cling to the power we have acquired? No one can say when or where the next upgrade will come from. It’s like a hunt where you go into the unknown in order to retrieve the treasure. In my experience there are great monsters found in the unknown that can wreck your day. Strategic planning and responsibility are key on the journey to finding wisdom. The game is necessarily dangerous but I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Handling Escapism

I would wager that just about everyone has some form of escapism that they engage in on the daily. A fraction of these people recognize the opportunities that are missed because of the time that is spent on something that is not in direct attainment of life’s goals. For me, its most obvious in the urge to play video games comes because I have shortcomings in other parts of my life. In order to change my focus to something that I am competent in, I turn to video games to get a sense of gratification that I am not getting in the real world. It can be extremely challenging to keep from turning to these types of escapism when faced with overwhelming obstacles. In order to get at the root of escapism I have a few penetrating questions. Where do these negative emotions come from? Why is it that I am unable to control myself when confronted with these emotions? What could be some possible solutions for living a better life?

Firstly, defining what constitutes a negative emotion that then turns me to escapism. From the position that I sit in now it seems entirely irrational to do anything but build myself to overcome in the face of adversity, but this is not the case. One instance of a source of these negative emotions comes from going out at night in order to have fun and meet new people. Not all the time but often enough these events can cascade downward so that when I am leaving the bar I feel alone in that I was unable to make a solid connection with anyone that I met that night. This does not happen often but when it does it can be hard to deal with. Other things that can be hard to deal with are things like shortcomings at work, run-ins with the bad side of the law, and arguments between friends. These are the type of things that cause negative emotions and thus give rise to the will to escape from it all.

The ideal version of myself grows stronger when faced with adversity and at times I have experienced such a thing. A willpower arise that detaches emotionally in order to achieve the desired outcome. Other times a weakness that desires to neglect the reality of the situation in favor of something lazy and shameful wins. I can only understand the ebb and flow of these two internal drives as a necessity of life and therefor I must prepare for both.

Building a life that is full of positive emotions so that one would never even be tempted by escapism sounds disagreeable. This is not to say that I would do anything but pursue my dream of dreams, it’s just that I feel that anything worth doing should be challenging and therefore will include trying situations. For me, it’s not about finding the path free of road bumps but more so about strengthening the self in order to handle any road bump that might occur; and so I turn my attention to the weakest version of myself and ask: What’s wrong? Why are you unable to do what you know to be right? Is it a lack of courage or maybe you just don’t want it bad enough? From the heightened perspective of where I sit now I can offer few words that might help. Remember that life is short and that greatness can only be achieved by those who work for it. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, so take your time and start small. Just remember to keep moving forward. Like the butterfly that created the hurricane, a small step in the right direction could be the first step to shift the minds of millions. Without the first step, there is nothing.

So yeah. Writing is where I do my most precise introspective work and by publishing this online I hope that it may help anyone that stumbles upon my work. If you thought about anything at all while reading please leave a comment. I love to hear other perspectives and to build a community is some of the greatest thing we do as humans and I am looking forward to all of it.

Brothers Fight

Men have a different way of going through life than women. We could say that biologically men’s lives are less valuable than women’s in that it only take one man to carry on the population while it would take many women to have many many children. When we look at the lives of men we see that men die more often by risky behavior like stunts and car crashes pointing to the idea that men have a biology that is designed differently with things like social power in leadership and prestige being valued as much more important. This is not to say that women do not have such a thing in their lives it’s just that with women the nurturing instinct is much more developed and for the good reason of the children and the family.

Often times men will grow up in a patriarchal family where, from the time of Cain and Able it has been observed that the son will have the desire to overthrow the patriarch, the father. You can see this with kings of the past going on for centuries. In many cultures the transfer of power was almost always violent. With the king at the top it often times was up to one of his sons to replace him. Which son was to replace him was the question that provided the tension between brothers.

Growing up outside of royalty, my brother and I had a more civil relationship though not without conflict. Looking back I can see the harm that I did to him and the recoil from this harm and how this has effected me. Brothers fight in the sense of wrestling and other games where we would both try and get the best of each other. Being the older brother I would almost always win and would then make it a point to show how much better I was than him in additional displays of strength. This eventually backfired as my brother stopped wanting to play any more games with me. He could not get away with playing no games with me however as we had many of the same friends and groups of friend play games with each other inevitably.

To this day my brother and I seldom talk and despite my best efforts I get a call from him maybe a handful of times per year. When I think about what has brought us to this point in our relationship, besides all the times that I would not allow him to play his choice of video game or not use the TV, there are a few key instances that come to mind. There was the time that we convinced him that by strapping him into a dog harness that we could then hoist him up into a tree and thus climb any tree we wanted. After getting him 30 feet in the air my friend and I tied our end to a different tree leaving him suspended while we left to eat lunch. We were not gone that long but when we got back he was distraught. Another time we mummified him in duct tape to the point where he was unable to moved. These are the things that make me laugh about my childhood and I look back at with fond memories. There are darker parts of our past however that are harder to get into.

My brother left for the military shortly after college. After returning from basic training he came home with confidence that we had not seen in him before. It was great for the entire family, but when it came time to choose which video game to play it was bad for both him and I. I had been at my own school and was currently in my third year and so my brother and I had not been spending much time in the same location. I believe it was Christmas break for both of us and spending time together was something we were both not used to. When the video games came into conflict violence broke out immediately. In a way similar to WWII this was the last time my brother and I got into any type of physical fight. It was the most violent fight either of us had ever been in and ended with a black eye for me and getting kicked out of the house for him. We have not been the same since that point. It would be nice to have a brother that is confident about his ability to handle the world but I could not let this confidence tread in an area that I felt was mine. I can imagine it would have been a blow to his ego to learn that his military training still could not take down the enemy of a brother that he had at that moment and must have changed something in him to avoid rather than confront.

I still believe that later in life we will both become closer to one another. Maybe it will take a colossal event like both of us having kids, but someday in the future my brother and I will be on a similar level. It’s impossible that we stop being brothers and so no matter how much we hate one another we will always be in each others lives. The fight between brothers has been going on for so long that it’s built into all of our minds. We know how brothers act and to learn about myself in this way I can learn about everyone, because everyone knows that brothers fight.

The Monkey Light

Its crazy how having money can change your life. Its important to work hard and make sure that you save enough to do what you want to do and buy the things that you want to buy. Its been a long time sense I have been able to buy things that I want rather than just save for the things that I need. This new freedom allows me to look online whimsically for things to buy. This is not something I am used to doing and would never condone spending money on trivial items that are immediately thrown in the trash. No, what I did was order a Venus fly trap for something like 15 bucks off amazon. Its going to be awesome when it gets here and I can feed it bugs or maybe peaces of meat. Its going to be my little buddy sitting right besides the window.

The thing about money is that everybody wants more and that its very easy to let slip from your hands if your not vigilant about keeping it. I must admit that in having money there is a force that keeps me in line and on task that is no longer there. I have enough and getting to more than enough is less motivating than getting to enough. I now need to find new challenges that stimulate me into getting different places. Things like writing are great tasks in that they have no monetary stipulation although the point of this article is just that.

I want to meet people. I want to grow in terns of skill and ability. I love all of these things and the way that I am going to get these things is by getting the tools that allow me to learn and allow me to show up in style. I recently ordered a Monkey Light off Amazon which is just a simple bicycle light that understands spit. It goes on one spoke of your bike tire and then as the tire spins is able to project an image over the entire wheel to the point where you could literally watch a movie on this thing if you wanted to bike for that long. I have not seen any of them in the Denver area yet and so I am excited to be a show off.

Its daylight now but I am going to head off for a long bike ride to explore the town. Here is a link to a monkey light affiliate site. Check it out if you get the chance. If you like biking then maybe you will buy one.

VentureExpansions

Its official. VentureExpansions finally has a business license and is operating as a legit company helping people solve problems in the Denver metro area. Its great to be taking steps in a direction that I always knew I would travel. Its awesome to be connecting with people that are in need and to be able to provide them with a service that fulfills that need. Much discipline is still needed to get things going in the direction that I want them to go but things are at least moving in that general direction.

Its important to note that in the US 4/5 business will fail within the first year. Being that it is the first week Id say that its time to be as vigilant and aware as possible. So far we have sold about 80 roofing inspections to various companies and set up two tree trimming jobs with AR Custom Woodwerks. Total business generated could be estimated at about 40k. Total commission earned could be estimated at about 8k. Total commission received 2,020 dollar bills baby!

Tomorrow I am meeting with a professional tree trimmer who would like to get on board with what we are doing here at VentureExpansions in that he is in need of tools and jobs. AR Custom Woodwerks can provide him with the tools, and I here at VentureExpansions can provide him with the jobs. Tomorrow looks like it will be at least 4 of us working out in various neighborhoods. Two door to door sales guys, and two professional tree trimming guys. My focus now is care. As the one that is putting most of this stuff together, it has become my responsibility to make sure that everyone gets their just accommodations for the work that they are putting into the company. Assuming I can generate half the business I plan to generate we should be fine. The idea is to do such a good job that all of these guys will come back the next day thirsty for the things that I can provide. Charisma with my friends will be key. Strict business ethics will also be a focus. Its hard to believe that this stuff is coming through to thruition. So thankful. So blessed.

Now the new project for me is the social media aspect of things. With my focus divided between Facebook, you-tube, word-press, snap-chat, twitter, and Instagram (did I miss any?) it will be a whole new world to learn. There are some basic fears in starting out. Things like; did I promise more than what I can deliver? I have almost no overhead cost. Am I going to be able to handle the road bumps and are for sure in my future? Is what I am doing exactly legal? I sure hope no one gets hurt. At some point you have got to put your head down and go for it. Currently looking for people that I tree trimming expirience or want to learn such skills, and always looking for canvassers that are comfortable earning a great income that is commission based. I understand that this is going to take an awful lot of work but that is what makes me so excited about it at the same time.

It all comes from a place of peace and love, and so from there what could possibly go wrong. Whatever it is we will have to see. I plan on writing about this so if you would like to keep up to date with the story just let me know. Any and all advice would be great so be sure to leave a comment. It might just save my life.

Best

-Chris

How to quit a video game addition

It’s been going on 6 years that I have been trying to quit video games. I imagine all the skills that I would have learned by this point and in my mind, I feels great to quit and to start honing my craft, and yet when times get low and all I want to do is huddle up in my blanket and play what I know I am good at is when I relapse back into the thing that I swore never to partake in again. This is a research paper mostly for myself but can help anyone that wants to also follow in these research footprints in order to quit video games all together.

At first I was pulled into the game because of what it allowed me to do. For a moment, I could command troops like a military general and fight in a war bigger than myself. The graphics and skill are what got me going but it was the escapism that kept me there. There have been times when I am out downtown and looking to meet other people. Sometimes I find it hard to talk with other people are that is when I have the urge to escape back into my room to find that familiar video game that I know I can perform without humiliation. It’s a place that I know I have the skill to play. It’s a place that allows me to forget about the problems of life and focus on the problems of the game.

What has happened over the years is that what challenges my mind is more fascinating in the game than it is in real life. If you remember what the key to flow chart looks like there is a sweet spot in a task when the task is challenging but not too challenging to be frustrating, but also easy but not too easy to be boring. Life has gotten frustrating and so the game solves this with new inventive challenges. The new challenge is to make life a flow sport like that game has been for so long. To do this will take time.

It would seem that I need to grow my life in order to make it easy to find flow activity in. After my life has grown a certain degree then I will be able to easily take it to the streets when I am feeling like a gamer. It’s in this first faze that would be the hardest. The best option that I can think of right off the bat would be to use as much willpower as possible. Willpower is only so strong though so the next step would be to uninstall the game. Past this point the only thing I can think of is to really get into my own head how disgusting video game playing really is.

I have missed out on so many opportunities because of gaming. If I had put my time into anything other than the game that I played I could have easily mastered it by now. If I would have played an instrument with this time I would have been able to travel to New Orleans with passions and then been able to make friends and even had sex with many more women that I did the last time that I went. If I would have spent all that time working or even looking for a job I would have had maybe 10 grand in the bank right now and probably be driving a car. If I would have spent that time reading I could have brought all my friend new information and been a much more interesting person than I am. If I would have spent all that time in the gym exercising I would be buff as shit right now. What has video gaming done for me. I was able to connect with a few friends through the game but nothing ever really came of it. Instead I zonk myself out in a chare somewhere and neglect the things that are really important in life.

Video games are a bunch of shit when played in excess. If you like them than good for you. If you like women or the outdoors or money or anything that good an important in this work then you will not play video games and instead work on bettering yourself because bettering yourself is what this is really about. Who wants to sit with the same skill set their entire lives? We all want to be good and then we all want to be great. Let’s make this life about becoming great, not about playing some bullshit until life catches up with us and we are forced to take action. Take action now. Become better at something.