The responsibility behind the words “trust me”


One of my admirers once told me “please don’t fuck up my life.”

The request took me aback, but I smiled with the realization of where we stood in relation to each other. He was younger that I but not more confused than I had been at his age. He looked to me to give order to his life and to put him down a path of confidence, and it was my responsibility to change his perspective to teach him to look into himself to answer questions of uncertainty.

Without a smile I gripped his shoulder, leaned forward and looked deep into his eyes telling him “Trust me. I’m not going to fuck up your life. In fact, if you’re open to it this could be the best thing that ever happened to you.”

With that touch, the eye contact, and those words, his face softened just a bit. There was still fear in his eyes by which the elimination of was our unspoken agreement.

And with that he began to tell me that he keep a very high standard of himself. I told him to start keeping a higher standard of himself.

Any degression into fear or uncertainty is a mistake and it is the responsibility of the mentor to cut these thing out at the root. To foresee them before they manifest in any way. Trust is confidence. If you trick people into believing in a false sense of confidence you are leading them off a cliff and fuck you.

Much love.


Reconnecting with nature

I have wondered why people find it so interesting to go to scenic places in nature. The connection to the earth doesn’t seem to get to me in the way that others have explained it and the prestige that comes with the pictures doesn’t make sense in and of itself. The only way to give meaning to finding scenic views is the exercise to get there and the possibly the people that join you on the journey. The group can have a quasi meaningful mission that can work as a bonding experience and productive and this gives meaning over something that is meaningless in and of itself. 

Perhaps people, and a deep level understand that these places will not be around for much longer. What we are actually doing is saying our last words to a dying friend and that this is what it really means to connect with nature. To stand in realization to the impermanence of beauty and almost mournfully watch the moments destroy themselves for the creating of the new. 

The past is beautiful and it is something to be missed. No one knows what the future will bring but we can say that it will look different than now. For better or worse it doesn’t really matter. All we are is a striving for a more complete perspective. 


Build a successful sales team and business in New Orleans. With the help of Garret Bruss and Link Security I can achieve an income of over 60k with in the upcoming year and 80k within the next yeat. I can do this by learning the sales system and producing more than three sales a week, and by training others to do the same. I will build a team of 8 competent sales produgie sales profesionals that all are able to make a living by working harmonously within my team. Finding young tallent through the high school programs here in Nola would make my working expirience ritch and rewarding. Giving the information that I know to children would be the most rewarding thing that I could do. In this two year timeframe I will complete by bachelors degree and create a type of person that can competently and efficiently move to any goal that he sets himself.

During the summer time I will travle to different transformational festivals and distribute the DMT that I have created over the winter in New Orleans. There are many skills that go into the distribution of this medicin including the managment of a substance that exists outside the leagal sphere. Secreacy, trust, charisma, and wisdom are all essential elements to operate within this new sphere. A festi persona will need to be developed and a festi crew gathered.

After two years I will be 26 and I will have the opportunity to live in a new location. Europ is on my mind. In Europ I will expose myself to a knew side of life and will determine the best place to raise my kids. There is so much that I do not know about Europ that I cannot fill in this section of my life with any certianty but for 2 or 3 years of my life I will live here and I will fill my life with abundance and prosperity.

When I am 29 I will move to New York. A competent and successful business man I will still be able to party. I will find a girl that is willing to travle the world with me and have some kids. Once I have found her we will explore, looking for wisdom and a place to settle down to have two to three kids. I will raise them and give them the best life I can. They will be diciplined, intelligent, and athletic. Once they have become self sufficient I will look for an ideal way to die. I will be loved and missed. My life will be remember by excellence and bravery and my legacy will be passed on by all who loved me.

The End

Why you should not take acid- a story of adventure and education

Why you should not take acid


Maui Hawaii: This place is a little dirty but dirty is almost necessary in a place where hundreds of people are put in charge of an event in a location removed from all forms of traditional authority. The beasts are released from their chains and prowl a small spit of land known as Little Beach. In a world losing touch with reality some of the realest shit can happen at this place.  A new authority rises and every week and new culture is created from the beast on top. It’s a sight to behold and I will do my best to capture the experience with the words that have been given to me.

To get to Little Beach you must first climb a cliff located at the end of Big Beach. Coming over the cliff to the sound of jungle drums, and the sight of naked bodies it feels as if you have left the real world behind though you know that it is only miles away. There is even a light haze over the entire beach (probably cause by sea foam) that indicates the number of people who are seriously experimenting with mind altering substances. Every Sunday they gather to celebrate the setting of the sun and with music, dance, poi, and other inventions fueled by psychedelics they celebrate.


My part in this party is miniscule. I dance and usually jump on the drum but on this day I felt small. I dosed and made sport with the beasts. In my wanderings a came across a real life shaman who made a living by mixing the chemicals needed to make LSD. I didn’t know that he was a shaman when I first met him. He was of the subtle kine. At first I was attracted to his unconventional wisdom and the strangeness of our relationship. It was only until later that night did he reveal that he was one of few that knew how to produce pure LSD. I asked if he could teach me and with that we began a mentoring relationship. It was the same shaman who invited me to breathe fire with him and for the first time in my life I let the flame rip from my mouth.


A mouth full of lighter fluid sprayed in a fine mist upon an open flame and you’ll have yourself a fireball. With lighter fluid running down your face it’s not hard to imagine how dangerous fire breathing can be, but the adrenaline mixed with the commanding attention of a fireball and the sport can quickly go to your head. In fact it really must go to one’s head if it is to be done correctly, but as we all know; when you play with fire you can expect to get burned.

It was not I, nor the shaman, but the crazy old monk named Darrel who got burned. Darrel had been living in the woods near Little Beach for years. Recently he had decided to go full on monk mode and shaved all his hair but saved a small spot on the back which he braded. When I asked what kind of monk he was he said “The kind that gets laid” he also told me how he had been taking small amounts of different poisons to increase his immunities and to eventually… When he told me this I looked at him and we cackled into the night at the thought of immortality. With Darrel as my teacher I blew my biggest ball of flame I have ever blown, and too close to Darrel’s hand. He was severely singed to the point that he turned to rage. I could out run him but there was nowhere to run. Darrel was out to kill me, literally. I was able to escape into the dark of the night but needed to go back for my pack. He found me before I could grab my stuff and chased me all the way to the entrance of the Little Beach; he chased me to the cliffs. On the cliffs in the woods I hid in the bushes as the old monk gathered the local Hawaiians and formed a search party. Now true fear, like I have never felt before began to sink in. I lay still for more than thirty minutes and when I felt like all was forgotten I made a move for my pack only to run strait into Darrel.


“It ends for you here” he said and with fire in his eyes he walked slowly and steadily towards me. “On the cliffs of Little Beach you die.”

I wanted to run but had nowhere to go. With my back to the cliff I faced him.

He was weaker than I expected but still managed to get a good punch to my face in before I brought him to the ground and put my arm around his neck.

He pulled out his arm before me. He was burnt badly.

“I’m a 55 year old man son. You can’t burn people like this. You’re going to have to pay” and he began to squeeze himself out.

“I could kill you now” I said as I pulled my arm tight around his neck.

“If you’re going to it then do it quick” he sputtered and he went limp in my arm.

“I am so sorry. Can you let me go?” I said, almost crying.

“Only if you leave this beach, and leave the island, and you leave right now!”

On the now he gave an exhale and I jumped down the cliff with him on the dark cliff top calling after me “Soon I will come to get you and the next time I see you, I’m going to and kill you!” And he started down after me. I ran to the exit and hid in the bushes. A large Hawaiian that I could not see walked to the exit and called into the night “Leenock!” From this call I could hear his size and the hunter that was his nature and I was afraid. On my other side another Hawaiian replied “Makoy” and finally Darrell said “goodbye Chris” and they left.

I walked on the road for a long time. The plants and gadgets that make up the finer details of the island always amaze me and even more so when I am trippin. Eventually I came across a golf course resort, the kind that cost more than a house for one night’s stay. Walking on the grass was a relief for my bare feet and when I made it to the hot tub I pretended I was a wealthy man though I had no one to fool. The walk back to the beach was short. I moved in to Little Beach like a ninja. From far away I could see where Darrell and the others were sleeping and a fire. I snuck past their camp and checked my spot but could only find my book bag (“Being and Time” inside) and some towels so I wrapped myself up and slept above the camp in hiding. In the morning I still could not find my pack. I remember looking into the shamans eyes from a distance as two creatures captured in amazement by one another. I found my shoes socks, and shirt.

Wet paper, headphones, my wallet, a belt, work pants, 145 dollars, and the connection I had made on island where all that I had. On the wet piece of paper was the phone number to Alert Alarm which was a company that I had worked for in the past. Showed up to the office and they gave me a room and a job. Now I take a shower every day and hang around the house while I wait for my badge to arrive so that I can start work. Played video games and wrote this story today.


Thus beach life in Hawaii comes to a burning end. It is the challenges in life that make us grow and in the past 4 months I have learned more than most. Food is everywhere and survival takes little effort. It’s what we do with our time after our need are met is what makes us thrive. Meditation, reading, exercise are more of a challenge in a house than on a beach. There is still a struggle to break on through the next boundary but the challenges are different, unfamiliar even, like I need to lose touch with a part of myself in order to find the next thing. I now realize that there are many abilities that cannot express themselves without the aid of comfort and now my life turns in the direction of the cultivation of these comfortable subtleties.

Communication for dummies- The Shit Test

Shit tests


A shit test is a social device that people use to determine the mental caliber of person they are dealing with. The shit test is most recognizable in the form of witty banter between friends, but can also come in many different forms; some of which are none to the nicest. Almost every person has characteristics they wish others would believe though they may not be true. A shit test is one way to tell if a person is who they come off to be and can determine the strength of frame of the person on the receiving end of the shit test has in their possession. Shit tests are pass/fail. If the shit test is passed respect is gained, if failed then interaction usually comes to a halt and the two parties go their separate way.

The classic example of shit testing is used by females who are generally bombarded with male attention and need a way of filtering through the masses (“Buy me a drink”… “Well then I would have to fleep w/ you and we really haven’t gotten to know each other yet.”). Shit tests are used by everyone from time to time and more so by higher status members of a society. A CEO will shit test harder than a manager and a manager harder than a garbage man. This is because the social pool that high class individuals get to pick from is far greater than the lower class, and the need to have only the best persons on hand in order to secure their own superiority. (I don’t make the rules, I just explain them) There are some people (generally people who enjoy a challenge) that find shit tests to be an enjoyable way to show off their intellect and my find conversation in which shit testing is not included to be boring conversations. These are socially skilled often competitive individuals who should be shit tested. In these situations shit testing is used as a form of validation and can be thrown back and forth as a form of validation. With each pass of shit report is built between the shit throwers. This can go on forever in the form of two friends bantering back and forth.

One strategy of leadership found in harder arenas like boot camp or competitive sales positions, the leader will shit test everyone into the ground and rebuild them from that point up. This strategy can be extremely effective for changing a person on a deeper level. If this strategy is chosen be sure that you can maintain the responsibility for the entire rebuilding process, because leaving someone in the ground makes them extremely vulnerable to outside influence so make sure that influence is from a positive source… like yourself.

For woman the shit test is often an ongoing part of her interaction with men. For her it’s something that she must employ for her high need of security that comes from her biology. As men grow older their mental frame often weakens and the shit testing female turns from a spicy young duchess into a nagging old hag. This is only because he can no longer pass her shit tests. Oh how sweet love can be.

Testing boundaries is something that makes us human and shit tests are a healthy way of interacting with the world. There are however, malicious shit tests and even, nuclear shit tests. Nuclear shit tests offer no advantage to anyone and it is best to avoid these at all costs (These often come in the form of ex-girlfriends). The amount and variety of shit test out there ranging from dominant/submissive, service oriented, wit, fear based shit tests to name just a few. Even your ability to hold a conversation could be viewed as a shit test. Through all of this complexity there is one distinction that should be made with shit tests. There are good shit tests, and there are bad shit tests. Good shit tests are shit tests that are probing for strength and can be viewed as challenge to overcome with the reword of status for victory. Bad shit tests offer no reword and should be avoided if possible. If they must be confronted then damage control should be of primary concern. These come in the form of confrontational fighting of jealous boyfriends.

The well-spoken and quick witted out there are going to have a lot of fun with shit tests. The duller of you out there are going to hate them and I would recommend watching some stand up comedians to improve your social skills (“Joe Rogan puts heckler in their place”). You could even try the brute force social exposure method if you can muster up the courage. Whatever it is, do whatever it takes. Till next time.


Flowers for a dying day

Working on Avalow farm is an extadic mix of work and learning to be adaptable. My second week of work begins tomorrow and I cannot wait to see what it will bring. Tonight I will go to bed with a charged phone so that I may wake up and start filming the morning routine which, in chronological order goes, meditate (10min), nature work out, shower in the waterfall, read, smoke weed in the office with the crew. A perfect start. 

I will need to wake by 7am in order to get what I need done and I will need to develop a workout plan- which will be- 10 one handed push-ups (3 sets), log lifting, sit-ups, and plank (2 min). 

Friday I will go on a hike with Em. Cute girl and strong woman. By this time I will have The Dome assembled of which I will sleep in for the next two months. Work on the farm, a humble job in Makawao, beach adventures and I am set. Ahowoska September 11th and the possibility of self synthesizing dmt. Stability, strength, flow and harmony.


In this time I will need to make money for Nola and buy a saxaphone and practice. Yoga and Kung-fu on hill side. Farm work and friends by night. In a world of growth and prosperity I will attain self mastery. 

New Orleans will be a different style. Rather than a world of humility and work, Nola will be lived on the front lines dancing and performing music will be what propels me to new hights. With Sam by my side I will play. Working the industry will turn more profit than I ever before attained in my life and it will be here that I will have the resources to unleash the awesome thing built within.  

After a short time in New Orleans New York is where I may head in order to test my capacities against the raging machine that is the concrete jungle. Within the rat race I will find a wife. A strong woman who believes that true love is a thing that will sweep her away from all other commitments in order to reveal the profound. Away we will go.   

We will travel the world. Australia, Asia, the Middle East, bits of Africa, and Europe. As fully developed intellectual entities nearing the peak of our power will we find a quite space with good schools to settle down and raise the family. Three children who grow to reach different mountain peaks of their own. A high place to rest I will have successfully traversed the most intense fire of life. 


As an old man who has boldly devoted a life to mastering wit and never losing touch with the youth, I will be able to softly read my books and pass help down through the links until the opportunity comes by which I may use my death to serve for the greater good. For the sake of life, love, and wisdom may my deeds live long past my body. After this there is no more but wind and ashes. 


A life of puzzle sick of soil

Questioning every day

May loves true light shine on through

Never to run away
Beyond the lookouts of every post

Beneath the stone and clay

We find new light that’s ever stronger

Never kept at bay
Within the cracks of every footprint

That fad away to grey

The is but one guiding principle

That beckons us away
Be sure of this my only child

Within the battle and the fray

That there hope of betterment

In flowers for a dying day

The wise man knows he’s a fool

It was fun to party on the beech with the Lahina kids. We had even worked out a method that could take us to exactly where we wanted to be. Fred could stick a bottle of liquor between his belt and belly and must have walked away with over 15 bottles the week I was there. We would then walk down the shore to where the resort beaches where located and we would party.   
It was an idealistic way to fuck around on the beech from the beech bum position, but there was no trust between friends and the group was constantly turning on the weakest member of the group. It was draining spiritually and I knew when I started that I would be usurped of my stamina within a short amount of time. 

Having been drained I decided to sell my jeep and move back to New Orleans. Many people were inquiring about the sale and my schedule was full. If the jeep would have sold I would have moved to Nola immediately; and then I met Joesyia. 

Joesyia was man I had known from the island for a long time. I was a big fan of his brothers and hung out with his brother as much as I could without becoming attached. Joesyia came to look at my jeep. He didn’t end up buying the jeep but he did end up offering me a job and a house to live in. I moved in that same day and training began.

The first three days were dedicated to healing my mind and body. I didn’t eat food and everyday we would put colloidal silver on my ankle to heal a staff infection I had developed. After I had healed we knocked doors for solar sales and things became somewhat normal besides the ohms in public places. I would wake up and exercise, meditate, and read. It was progressive and I was loving life. Training eventually came to an end and I had to leave the house. I went into the woods. 

I drove the jeep out past Hanna where I knew if an ahowaska ceremony that took place every month. The jeep could only go so far and the walk was long and wet. Showing up dripping I found Anti to ask if I could participate in the ceremony. She told me that there they were already overbooked and could not fit me in, I should have called to get on the list. Leaving I was sad that I had came so far to be turned away so easily. Right as I was about to leave one of the farm workers found me. He told me that if I could find some work to be done around the farm and kept my head down I might be able to get in. One of the girls needed help picking flowers and we went skipping through the fields to pick. Later I asked Anti if there had been any cancelations. She looked at me and said “I am going to go ahead and say no. There is just not enough room. Remember to get on the list next time and, try not to take it personally.”

I took it personally and made for the long walk home. My jeep broke down on the road home and after spending the night in the back seat I packed up and hitched my way out of Hanna leaving the jeep behind. 

I write this passage from an old and run down bus that has been refashioned to be a lounge for the workers of the farm. We wake up early and work until sunset two days a week. Most of what we build is for the party in October and I am working on sleeping in the dome but first it must be built. 

It feels right here. The people are far out and more real than anything I have found this far. This chapter of my life will look and feel like a fairy tail and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds.