Category Archives: Enlightened

Confidence found in the plan

 

Micro dosing worked alright. I couldn’t tell if it did what I wanted it to do. I did change my actions to something that was far more aligned and enlightened with what my body really desires, but I can’t say if that was the acid that did it exactly. It might have just been me and my way in the world. Whatever the case I feel so much better today and will continue to micro dose just not by the daily. It feels like something that should be done once a week at the most.

Today I have something else in mind. Its below 10 degrees and going outside is not something that’s on the top of my list. No, today will spend the day reading and writing and maybe even putting together a set on a new program I just installed called virtual DJ. Sounds like a fun day to me. A good set up for what I plan to do in the near future.

On Wednesday I will be getting on a bus and heading to the Utah mountains to work as a ski bum for the winter at Powder Mt. They want me to stay the entire winter but my friend Ronnie wants to hit up NOLA for Marti grass. He thinks that he can make enough pipes to sell so that we can make the trip worth our wile. The sales pitch sounds like fun but all I needed was NOLA and I am down for the trip. From CO to NOLA is about 1300 miles- at 20mpg- at 2.15 per gallon- for 2 people driving- it’s about $70 a person for the drive one way. That’s cheap enough for me. Ronnie says we can sell over 1k pipes in NOLA for $10 a pop. Makes it all worth it in the end and so that we can afford our next adventure.

After Marti grass, we can head back to Denver in order to work the storm season doing roofing here in Denver and make some bank. I can put together a team of canvassers and we can make a hall. After that we head to Hawaii to play in the sand, maybe make some more cash and that’s when I head to Australia to start my great adventure… as if it’s not started already. Whatever the case I am excited for this plan. It lets me see all of the great sides of the world and I still get to travel the world within the timeframe that I have set for myself.

There is still so much doubt as to whether this will go through or not. So many times, in the past I have missed opportunities and my plans do not go as they should. I do not know how to make my will to the future stronger at this point all I can do is plan out the best possible future and try and stay vigilant in making it the future that becomes reality.

Cultivating an unstoppable attitude

I write this post from my couch where I do not have the unstoppable attitude. Like most, I am afraid letting my worst judgement get the best of me. Unlike most I have a drive for truth that I may ride from these depths I have fallen into, all the way to whatever bastion of sunlight I desire. From here I make a stand to change and escape the fear common amongst sheep. Ride with me if you want and we can explore the depth of the indolent.

I’m talking about the whip and the ability to tell yourself no. No do not eat that cupcake cupcake, no do not play video games when you know that you should be outside making friends and playing in the sun. The real surprising thing is that I am not naturally drawn to these types of activities. Like most, I am drawn to junk food and television and must put in effort to bring myself to the activities the produce natural good feels. I often ask myself why do I prefer boring darkness when there is such excitement in the world. Only in the dreary do I let the world pass by.

What I mean by better judgment would be the moralistic character or the affinity to do good. Whatever good may be is another thing altogether. The ability to do good is something knowable at any given moment. At times close decisions involving cataclysmic moments in life can make determining the good challenging at times but what I would like to focus on is the ability to do good with all of the small things in life. Eating is the best example that I can think of because what is good to eat is generally staring us in the face and hardly ever gets accomplished perfectly on a long term scale.

All writing above this line has been to achieve something different than the status quo. If I take an honest look at my life I find that I am fairly satisfied. I have had and seized the opportunity for adventure on most turns and now find myself in a world of possibility. Most of what I am upset about is that these things don’t come easy to me, but I could just as easily accept the challenges in life and begin to love the struggle.

In the self-improvement section of any bookstore you will find two types of books. Books that will offer information on how to improve in life, and books on how to accept any shortcomings we might have. While both are important to living a fulfilling life, I have always sided with improving rather than accepting, and so fully self aware I cast myself back into a agonizing pit of striving for self-fulfillment. Sometimes it’s easy, other times I can’t get myself to get out of bed. Here in this blog is where I pour myself and my misery hoping that through writing and self-expression that I might find the keys to this universal mystery.

Must we first come up with a question before we can begin to look for answers or might solutions spontaneously appear even when direction is lost. I can truthfully say that I feel good now, almost bulletproof even. Hoping that I may evade all traps and pitfalls, I still sit here and wait my next down-going.

For the strength to persevere through hard times, to cultivate discipline to direct action towards any goal, growing the courage to set higher goals, wielding wisdom to avoid traps and pitfall, and my the thirst that has yet to be quenched grow deeper and unsatiated everyday. This is an unstoppable attitude. This is something to embody and live each and everyday.

Breaking on through to the other side (why I write)

In life there are many levels to climb. Most of human existence is a striving to get to the next stage, or to a higher level of consciousness. In many situations getting there is as simple as setting a goal and then allowing the body to go through the necessary motions to achieve that goal. Other times frustration can mount as the same obstacles present themselves over and over again. Hard work, persistence and perseverance, confidence and some of the things that will help to get through these types of things but even the best of us find that the universe obstacles in our path that cannot be so easily overcome. My higher aims pertain to motivation, the social sphere, and class. Securing the foundation first and then moving to structure and finally producing a gift for the world. This is the strategy.

Motivation is a bitch and when you don’t have it it can really get you down, which will then get you down even more which can be anti motivational. That’s the trick about it really. Motivation is like a teeter totter. It takes the most energy to get the teeter totter tottering but after you have reached the tipping point it’s like running downhill, which is a lot easier than running uphill. Its when your running downhill is when you get hurt. With greater motivation comes greater pain. Its like the faster you’re moving the more likely you are going to get hurt. Motivation and confidence and very closely related, at least for me and my values I see a person who is ultimately dedicated, concentrated, and moving as a person doing it right. “You must be willing to burn yourself in your own flame”- Confident people are willing to take risks and it’s these risks have the potential to go wrong which can get one down and unmotivated. It starts to look a bit too much like banging your head against the wall (needlessly painful). The thing to remember is that if you bang your head hard enough, the wall moves. A better analogy would be to flow like water to any goal you make. Water is relentless, efficient, and take the easiest path. Like a steady stream begin to pull your dream closer to the present and make the real.

The right words spoken by the right person can be the greatest ladder to that next level. People come and people go. To be passive to the process of friendship is something that works and as far as making many friend it’s not a bad strategy, for sheep are not often lonely. To actively engage in the friendship process bring new stressors to manage and can often times be overwhelming. For myself people are complicated with so many nuances to manage that I find it difficult to create bonds that are stress free. I have confidence that lasting friends will arrive so long as I keep up the habits of making these friends. Actively seeking out interesting things to do and see in order to surround myself with the type of people that I respect the most. Cutting the friendship bonds that are needlessly consuming and not beneficial. Like a cold sociopath I make space in my life for the things that truly matter. Being able to call upon someone when times are tough can be a great source of power. Expressions of abundance are activities for friends as well. Creating a tribe is the next step. It takes a warmth and openness exactly opposite of the sociopath. Something like finding common cause enough to bring people together with enough strength to get through the pricks and pains human proximity. An openness to pain and the fortitude to persevere.

Friendship rational: do the things that you would do with a friend. Keep space for that friend and keep going. Do them as if there was a friend already there. Do them as if there were a group of friends there already. Do them like your a rock star. Now, in my imagination there is a friend next to me working on something similar (typing away). Its a fake it till you make it strategy and I can confidently commit to this without reservation. This feels right. All the focus and perseverance that I have built in myself can now be turned unwavering to this new goal of which I have been shaky before. To climb class I simply do things is a classy way and keep space for classy friends to join my along my journey.

Writing brings clarity to places that were before unclear. This is why I write.

Reconnecting with nature

I have wondered why people find it so interesting to go to scenic places in nature. The connection to the earth doesn’t seem to get to me in the way that others have explained it and the prestige that comes with the pictures doesn’t make sense in and of itself. The only way to give meaning to finding scenic views is the exercise to get there and the possibly the people that join you on the journey. The group can have a quasi meaningful mission that can work as a bonding experience and productive and this gives meaning over something that is meaningless in and of itself. 

Perhaps people, and a deep level understand that these places will not be around for much longer. What we are actually doing is saying our last words to a dying friend and that this is what it really means to connect with nature. To stand in realization to the impermanence of beauty and almost mournfully watch the moments destroy themselves for the creating of the new. 

The past is beautiful and it is something to be missed. No one knows what the future will bring but we can say that it will look different than now. For better or worse it doesn’t really matter. All we are is a striving for a more complete perspective. 

The wise man knows he’s a fool

It was fun to party on the beech with the Lahina kids. We had even worked out a method that could take us to exactly where we wanted to be. Fred could stick a bottle of liquor between his belt and belly and must have walked away with over 15 bottles the week I was there. We would then walk down the shore to where the resort beaches where located and we would party.   
It was an idealistic way to fuck around on the beech from the beech bum position, but there was no trust between friends and the group was constantly turning on the weakest member of the group. It was draining spiritually and I knew when I started that I would be usurped of my stamina within a short amount of time. 

Having been drained I decided to sell my jeep and move back to New Orleans. Many people were inquiring about the sale and my schedule was full. If the jeep would have sold I would have moved to Nola immediately; and then I met Joesyia. 

Joesyia was man I had known from the island for a long time. I was a big fan of his brothers and hung out with his brother as much as I could without becoming attached. Joesyia came to look at my jeep. He didn’t end up buying the jeep but he did end up offering me a job and a house to live in. I moved in that same day and training began.

  
The first three days were dedicated to healing my mind and body. I didn’t eat food and everyday we would put colloidal silver on my ankle to heal a staff infection I had developed. After I had healed we knocked doors for solar sales and things became somewhat normal besides the ohms in public places. I would wake up and exercise, meditate, and read. It was progressive and I was loving life. Training eventually came to an end and I had to leave the house. I went into the woods. 

  
I drove the jeep out past Hanna where I knew if an ahowaska ceremony that took place every month. The jeep could only go so far and the walk was long and wet. Showing up dripping I found Anti to ask if I could participate in the ceremony. She told me that there they were already overbooked and could not fit me in, I should have called to get on the list. Leaving I was sad that I had came so far to be turned away so easily. Right as I was about to leave one of the farm workers found me. He told me that if I could find some work to be done around the farm and kept my head down I might be able to get in. One of the girls needed help picking flowers and we went skipping through the fields to pick. Later I asked Anti if there had been any cancelations. She looked at me and said “I am going to go ahead and say no. There is just not enough room. Remember to get on the list next time and, try not to take it personally.”

I took it personally and made for the long walk home. My jeep broke down on the road home and after spending the night in the back seat I packed up and hitched my way out of Hanna leaving the jeep behind. 

  
I write this passage from an old and run down bus that has been refashioned to be a lounge for the workers of the farm. We wake up early and work until sunset two days a week. Most of what we build is for the party in October and I am working on sleeping in the dome but first it must be built. 

It feels right here. The people are far out and more real than anything I have found this far. This chapter of my life will look and feel like a fairy tail and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds. 

I am batman

 
Why is batman so great? I mean the guy doesn’t have any superpowers and only ever fights to save one city, never the world let alone the universe. There is a reason why batman chirps on my heart strings and that is because the focus of the sirese is on how strong can a man can be. Batman sees Gotham city as himself and can take whatever load the city will ask him to take. This is because he is batman, and batman is strong. 

The theft that happened at the zipline came back to bite yesterday. I was at a Grateful Dead show down at Charlie’s in Paia and I ran into all the old guys that I used to work with. It was the first time that we met face to face since the theft and most of them were still looking for recompense. I made it a point to talk to each of them and soon I found myself encircled by five of them outside the bar. There were plenty of people around so I was not too afraid of getting my ass kicked and I was not going to cower because of a false accusations. 

They could see my resolve and they attempted to take it out of me through psychological warfare which I would not let take a hold of me. I am a strong. At another point durning the night I found myself walking up to their territory of the bar and dancing to “box of rain” right in front of them. In my mind this was a “can’t we all just dance and forget about this nonsense message” but to some of them it might have looked a bit more like “I stole from you and now I am dancing in yo face” kind of message. 

For the record: I stole nothing from them. I am responsible for bringing the person who did steal from them onto the premise and for that I am guilty but never would I steal from another person. 

The night ended and I walked out of the bar with a beautiful woman, and I was happy and winning. 

 
The following day my new roommates and I adventured all over Maui. We skinny dipped in the mermaid pools, we pick mushrooms near Hanna, we sang and ate coconuts from the trees. As the sun was setting we find ourselves on the beech dancing within a drum circle. I could not plan a better day than that if you asked me to. 

   

 As we were leaving one of the meatier headed zipliner (not an actual employee of the zipline but only a friend) who had been part of the posy to confront me the night prior at the bar goes to approach my new friends. He congratulates them on their upbeat attitude and introduced himself to each. He then takes the stage and royally calls me a thief right in front of everyone. The hate that came from this man was the most negative energy that I have ever had thrown at me in my life and I would not have anything to do with it. Most of the friends in my group had already heard my side of the story and I wasted no time defending myself to this sick thing before my feet. I shamed him for his misconduct and deception to my friends and he was the first to walk away. The girls in the group where shocked at the amount of hate that had been directed my way and this morning I was asked to leave my place of residence. What amazes me now is my reaction to the person that stole and got me into this predicament. 

  
I write this post from a coffee shop in Lahina and I know that I will see my friend soon. My friend that has caused me so much misfortune and hard work. For some reason I still believe in this friend. Unlike 99.99999% of people in this world or even on this island, this friend made it past the basic relationship and has become a brother and because of that will believe in this man despite everything that he has put me through. Because he is my brother I will not tell him of all these things that he has put me through. He does not need to be reminded of his past when he too is on the road of change. Why do I do this? Maybe it’s because I too am batman. 

Small kind. 

Out of fire

It was shortly after the first acid trip that life began to spin violently out of control. I can not pin down the exact moment when the spin began but it happened sometime on the Fourth of July when Jayson, the girl and I took acid in the city of Lahina. If I told you we tore shit up it would mean little. 
The Son and I woke up on the beech with the intent to hustle and everything was going our way. Hitch hiking from Paia to Lahina may have taken more time if we drove. The time it takes to start a car and get out of a parking lot would have been a greater amount of time than the time we spent with our thumbs out on the side of the road. After we got to Lahina we made friends with homegirl and spent our day at that 5 star hotel on the beach. We bring up the idea of homegirl taking acid with us and soon after we are sucking paper under the banyan tree. 
Heavy dose of reality, a whirlwind of faces, insights, conversation, and street theatre staring the three amigos. Power trippin hard was I. Nothing was beyond my grasp. It was at the end of the night that we stumbled into old aunties Fourth of July party. After our hostess filled our plates with stale chips and cold ribs I found myself berated by a cackle of drunken aunties. The conquering attitude of which I walked into the party with was taken from me as I said farewell. It was in the last section of our walk did I make a move to kiss homegirl only to find my balls swiftly smashed, figuratively. The deep rooted jolt to my personal security began to express itself and sour the night. Homegirl left. Jayson and I were agitated with each other but in that strange way we had become brothers. We fought and made up and fought only to find that our mental fortitude had been utterly sapped by the events of the night. In the morning I left Jayson asleep under the bush that we passed out beneath. 

 
A feeble attempt at rebuilding took place over the next week. A seemingly impactful experience with a warrior guru and a trip into the junk food sections of the super market. The downward spiral had begun and a blind eye I had turned. 
A night that I had nothing to do Jayson had no trouble convincing me to head to Lahina for round two. Again we sat under the banyan tree keeping the handshake under our tongues. This time was different. This time was strange and I was unprepared for a disturbed reality. I watched helplessly as my friend grew in stature to take the lead. Knowing the rules of engagement I followed the brave fool throughout the town knowing that for this man there were no limits and that jail was a real possibility, however he had something that I did not, he had strength. It was a wild blur of a night climaxing as we borrowed a canoe and attempted to take on the ocean only to tip ten feet from shore. 
Back at my jeep, all of our stuff wet, Jayson’s phone unable to turn on, as the sun was rising we finally had rest. Tired as we were it was here that we made our fatal mistake. We left Jayson’s backpack leaning on the outside of the car. All of his possessions were in that pack. When we awoke it was gone. He was destroyed. 

I can be cold and even crewel at times but for a true friend I will sacrifice body and mind. Buying lunch was nothing. I invited him along as I did daily errands to keep him company as he went through his darkest moments. “Now everything must be take” I remember him saying. We traveled across the island to an old job to pickup a moped I had left in their possession. As I exchanged pleasantries with my ex coworkers Jayson invaded the lunchroom. Behind their backs I saw him go through backpacks and empty wallets. I excused myself and addressed Jay about the theft in private. “Put it back or walk from here” I told him. He walked. I was left to deal with my coworkers. At this time most of them still won’t talk to me, some of them want to fight me, and never did I get the moped back. 
The word broken is when one should be angry but due to fatigue or even hopelessness the anger is not present. 
I slept in the back seat of my jeep that night. The next morning was tour guide training and the team was meeting up to hike the legendary Haleakala creator. Seeing the team I forgot all about the nights before. We split into two groups. The boss’ group started from the top to hike down the mountain while my group started from the bottom to hike up the mountain. The idea was to meet in the middle so that we could exchange car keys and meet back up at the end, but we never saw the other group. Near the end of our hike I decided to sprint ahead with the keys so that I could hitch down the mountain to the car and bring the car to the top to pick up my friends. I did all of this before they finished their hike. Once we had all joined forces in the car we then needed to decide what to do about boss. I convinced my friends that because we had no idea if the boss was even on the mountain that we should go to the nearest bar and wait for him to call us over a beer. No one said no and I had the keys so we went. Half way to the bar we get a call from the boss. I whip a shitty and drag race to pick him up. It still took about 20 minutes. Pulling into the parking lot I can see he is mad. As I get closer I can see that he is beyond mad. My mind takes control and I go cold and rational. 
Boss- Where the fuck have you shits been, and why are you driving?! (Pointing at me)

Me- I’m sorry boss, we didn’t know where you were. 

Boss- You are so fucking stupid I can’t even believe and you know what, YOUR FIRED!

Me- In that case you owe me 140 dollars. 

Boss- I don’t owe you shit, get out of the front seat. 

I slip into the back seat as he gets I front. 

Me- Technically and legally you do. 

Boss- Don’t fuck with me, I will kill you. 

Me- You don’t have the balls. 

Boss- Get out of the car!

Me- No

He gets out and attempts to open my door while I hold down the lock. He runs to the other side of the car, grabs my backpack and whips it into the street. I still do t get out. He starts the car and drives over my back pack and as we are about to leave the parking I open the door to leave. As I get out of the car I front kick his tail light (my one slip from sagacity).

Boss- have a nice ride asshole.

  
I am left in the parking lot on top of a mountain with nothing but my backpack. 
Flash forward to a dream of a boy working on a great Roman war ship. The boy and a crew of men are commissioned to draw in a statue of the general which has been placed on the bow of the boat. The men pull the rope as one while the boy pulls whimsically. The boat is getting closer to shore and the statue is in danger of breaking on the rocks. Moments before the statue is smashed the boy gives a great pull in a show of strength that outdoes all other men and statue is safe. One of the men in the crew takes the boy aside and with a club smashes the boys skull in. 
Flash forward, I walk somberly down the mountain. With my thumb I asked passing cars for a ride down the mountain. It was not long before a man pulled to the side and I got in. We exchange the basics and soon I relate the story of the enraged boss who left me on top of the mountain. It was here, through the man who drove me down the mountain that I learnt to climb once again and the downward spiral was stopped. 
The man who drove me down the mountain turned out to be a master in Kung Fu and even offered classes (much to expensive for me) on self defense. Kung Fu, he explained, is about avoiding negative energy. Not only negative energy in the form of a fist flying at your face but also other sorts of negative energy such as a vengeful ex girlfriend or whatever. It’s all about redirection and reflection which is less tiring what with not having to take on everything that comes your way. There are times when you will be cornered he said, and these are the times when we do what we were born to do. These are the times to kill he explained. 
I left his car and returned to my jeep. I decided then that it was time to start a different kind of life on the other side of the island in Lahina. It was in Lahina that I met Fred. 

The road to Hana 

 
This is a picture from the road to Hana on the island of Maui in Hawaii. The road to Hana is not for the faint of stomach. It bends up and down the east side of Haleakala mountain and visitors will need to slow down, speed up, dodge oncoming cars, and drive next to cliffs of which a fall is certain death of which there have been many. Despite this hundreds of people drive the road everyday. Most of these people rent a car and drive strait through, maybe they listen to a audio tour if they’re astute. There is a better way than what the tourists think and I will tell you exactly the best way it can be done. 

On Friday morning you will need to create a group of two girls and one guy from the people of Paia. This shouldn’t be too hard or take too long as the people of Paia are extremely friendly and half of them are willing to drop all responsibilities on a dime if it means going for a worthy adventure. After you have made your group you will want to start to hitch hike down the Hana highway. This is far superior than driving because you will meet amazing people hitching and, who the fuck has the balls to hitch?

After a few hours you should reach Hana. This is where you will spend the night so it’s time to get comfortable. Go for a walk, talk with locals. Redsand beech is around the corner but good luck finding it without a guide.  Redsand is rather spooky to be honest as if it’s a valley of the gods and mortals do not belong. Probably a good spot to camp. 


It’s now Saturday morning. Your mission is to get to the bamboo forest and Seven Sacred Pools. If your thrifty and invite enough strangers your group will have grown to a party and you can now march up the mountain and into the bamboo forest leading an entourage of able bodied adventurers.  


After your party has reached the surprise at the top and you head back down the mountain set up camp at Seven Sacred Pools campground. When the night time comes some one in your group is going to have a guitar and someone else is going to have alcohol. Use these tools to attract other campers in the area and expand the party. If you are both loud and belligerent others will come.Maybe you will meet a farm boy that lives near and you can have a bonfire on the cliffs. 

Sunday morning comes and it’s time to make your way to Cafe Attitude. Get there early and you can sauna all day. At night the cafe does dinner and a talent show. This is the time to get socially ambitious. There are brilliant and famous people at caffee attitude. I’m talking millionaires, rock stars, and possibly even a model or two. Find them, get to know them, and do whatever it takes to party with them. 

From this point onwards the party is out of control and you will be on an unpredictable adventure of a lifetime. You will be with the coolest people in the world in the coolest place in the world. Everywhere you go there is a waterfall, go skinny dipping. A mountain side, have a picknick. A cow pasture, pick mushrooms or maybe go swimming in a billionaires to pool. 

  

It’s a search for happiness. 

“Imagination is the human compacity to look into the all of the possible futures, pick the best future and pull it to meet the present moment.”

It’s a search for happiness and a quest for freedom. To reach reach above the clouds and unfurls ones wings in a desperate display of power and wisdom. With the sun shining on ones back we have the right to be the gods of which we were born as. Leting the universe unfold and the beauty of life touch the deepest and most protected places of our hearts. We are exactly as we were meant to be. 

There are those that creep. Under the rays of the sun do they squirm. Writhing from within the gut calling for a changing of the spine. Through art and deception. Through bliss and ignorance. Do not let down your guard for this lends is not to be looked through. 

Strait up. No one is invincible and there are things in this world that can forever taint the soul.

“One must be an ocian before one can even thing about taking on a polluted stream.”

Keep to the higher path and let no one take you down. They will say you have a high horse but off your horse only weakness can be found. Let yourself be taken. By spirits that are strange. Let’s yourself be carried away by the people that play a different game. Always be aware. Of forces that devoure. For there are people out there. That prey for your weakest hour. Sweetness is a touch that will never turn to rotten. Live a life of love and never be forgotten.

How to find the others

If you are the type of person who keeps going down looking for a bottom from which to kick off from and propel yourself out in order to get a better glimpse of the dazing world above the surface, then keep searching. Its out there.

Half a year ago I left my home and the lake of my home and headed into the south. New Orleans is where I ended up. Bright eyed and innocent (though not as innocent as I look) I was in search of a movement, greater than myself that I could support. The search has lead me to look both inside for the ability that I can use to build the larger, and outside for the entity that truly is the enlightenment.

Philosophically ironic, a strong taste of what I am looking for came from a drug induced experience I had shortly before I started my journey. Through dimethyltryptamine I was able to communicate with a part of myself that ended up giving me a new sense of intuition and way of relating with the world.

It was a Monday night and my friends would meet up at a pool hall to play billiards. My best friend Sam was going into rehab the next day and we were getting amped for his journey. I invited him over to a house after pool so that we could smoke some dmt and send him off with a bang. Sitting on a long couch our friend pored a teaspoons worth of a dark colored, dung smelling amount of sand into a pipe. He then headed the pipe up with a lighter and after the pipe was filled with smoke he instructed me to inhale and hold as long as I could. The vapor from the pipe tasted like poop and against my natural instinct I held the smoke in my lungs as long as I could. A loud ringing engulfed my sensed and my eyes closed and I slumped into my seat.

The first and most overwhelming aspect of the experience was the ringing in my ears. If the ringing had been coming from outside of my own head it would have been more disturbing than nails on a chalkboard, and although the ringing sounded the similar it was not unpleasant. Comforting would not be the word to describe this thing, rather it just was. The next aspect of the experience was a crystallization of my vision, as if my eyes were slowly changing into kaleidoscopes until I could no longer decipher my surroundings. At this point I had held my breadth for over a minute. I could have gone longer but the experience was so intense that I exhaled, closed my eyes, and sank deep into my chair. The ringing was getting louder and like an ant resisting a title wave I fought to order my mind. Against my will my entire being was engulfed by the ringing. At this point the ringing became a pattern of high pitched bleepings and the bleeping into a beautiful song. To this day I have never heard anything so magical, relaxing, and alien all at one time. If I were a musician I would turn this into the most powerful song in the world and it would spark movements of destructive peace and unity.

With my eyes still closed I witnessed a wave of bright green light rushing at me through the darkness and like water it crashed into me and a green lady appeared out of the chaos. Her hair flowing backwards, palms outstretched, and eyes of white light she looked into me. Slowly I realized that the ringing song was her voice. Through song I could understand her infinity and power. It felt that this creature was in constant communication with all life spread throughout the universe and through song she could spread her wisdom. To her I gave everything, from her I took as much as I could. Slowly my mind dimmed and I awoke from my dream to be surrounded by my friends.

Over the next few days I found myself inspired with a new way to pensive the world. I could speak the song and hear the song stronger and weaker in different areas of my life. I can remember a time when I went to a festival with my dad. In the mountains of Colorado is a festival called the Arise Music Festival where the feeling of the green lady was the most powerful that I have ever felt. Ever sense I have felt the blasting off caused by dimethyltryptamine I have been seeking out the source of this song which I believe to come more strongly at different parts of the globe. The place where the enlightenment of the individual is valued beyond all else. Where great people are searching for the means of creating a society that is not limited to oppressive methods of control. Where humanity can live in harmony with nature and people can progress into oneness without feelings of regret. Onward I seek.

I write this in Phoenix Arizona where the people are involved and love one another in a way that drives business. I love all of them and am grateful for showing me the side of life that prizes openness, loyalty, and hardship. Soon I will be headed to Hawaii to explore the a new culture with an emphasis on describing the secrets of mana which Codrington defines in his book, The Melanesians: Studies in their Anthropology and Folk-Lore as “a force altogether distinct from physical power, which acts in all kinds of ways for good and evil, and which is of the greatest advantage to possess or control”.

“Only the lovers can get through the fire of the ring of the mandala. Open your heart. God is searching God in this creation.” ~ Sufi Saying.

Stay tuned in and open. Will be speaking with you again soon.